Scribes FanFic

SCRIBES OF ANGEL

Fan Fiction

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The Marriage Deal cont...

Inside his hotel room, Spike paced back and forth anxiously. Things hadn’t been going his way recently, including a huge fight with Faith. Not that he really minded fighting with her; their relationship wasn’t all that important to him anyway. He wanted sex and she was more than willing to give it to him, but he was not about to commit himself to Faith when the person he really wanted was her sister. Once he got Buffy, Faith would be history.

He rushed to the door when he heard the knock he’d been waiting for. "It’s about bloody time you got here!" Spike complained when he opened the door for his visitor. "You were supposed to be in Sunnydale two weeks ago. What the hell took you so long?"

"I needed to tie up some loose ends in London before I left. I can’t exactly jump on a plane for the States at the drop of a hat the way you can," she stated.

"Sorry, Dru," he apologized. "I’ve been waiting for you to get here. I had to wait for you before I could put my plan in motion."

Drusilla Randolph sat down on the reclining chair on the other side of Spike’s room. "Tell me, Spike, what is your plan? And why am I so important to it?"

"*Our* plan," he clarified with a smirk playing upon his lips, "is to obtain what we both have wanted for a long time. You get Angel, the man you’ve been crazy about since you were seven years old. Pardon the pun, of course. And I want his wife. Well, to say I want to bed his wife is more appropriate."

"What makes you so certain it will work? Angel made his feelings for me quite clear, and I did not spend a year in the hospital getting healthy again to have him trample all over my heart once again," she told him.

"The last place I want to see you go is back in the sanitarium. This plan isn’t about love, Ducks. It’s about sex, control and domination. Don’t you want to get back at Angel for the way he so carelessly treated you? It’ll be the ultimate revenge. And when you have hurt him as much as he hurt you, he’ll go running to his precious Buffy, only to find her in my arms. Or more to the point, in my bed." He’d plotted it all perfectly.

But Drusilla wasn’t completely convinced it would work. Granted, she wanted to give Angel McKenzie a taste of his own medicine, but she found flaws in Spike’s plan. "I don’t know, Spike. What makes you think Angel will want anything to do with me? He didn’t care about me before, why should he care about me six years after the fact?"

"I know he felt bad about what happened to you; he hated seeing you in that dreary institution. Not to mention, Dru, but you’re a very beautiful woman, and Angel has got to be horny as hell. As a matter of fact, I *know* he is. The man hasn’t had sex in nearly three years, he told me so. He won’t be able to resist you."

"Okay, you lost me. Angel is married, but he hasn’t had sex in three years. That makes no sense whatsoever."

"It’s a marriage of convenience," Spike told her. "Angel’s uncle died in November of 2001, leaving him everything, under the stipulation that the eternal philanderer get married for no less than three years. So, Buffy needed a lawyer for Faith and Angel agreed to take her case if Buffy agreed to marry him for the three years. It was supposed to be in name-only, but it seems Angel isn’t pretending to love her anymore. He really does love her, even if he won’t admit it to himself."

Drusilla nodded her head in understanding. "I see. He loves her but she doesn’t love him back."

"No. According to her sister, Buffy’s secretly in love with him as well."

"I’m confused now. They love one another but the other doesn’t know it. Why won’t they just admit it and carry on with their happy marriage?" she wanted to know.

"Because they are as stubborn as two mules. Frankly, I don’t know nor do I care. All I care about is getting Buffy for myself."

"But why? That is what I find so perplexing about this whole plan of yours. Angel is your best friend, why do you want to steal from him the woman he loves?"

Spike stared at her with his mouth agape. "You attended school with us and you still have to ask why? From the time we were sixteen, every girl I wanted, Angel took for himself. They all looked at him as if he were some sort of god, while I was nothing in comparison. He’d charm them, bed them and discard them like yesterday’s trash. Every single girl I fell for, he always managed to get there first. I’m sick of getting stuck with his sloppy seconds. So now I’m going to take what he wants. I’ll bed his wife before he does."

"This is a vengeance gig for you," Drusilla deduced.

"You got it, Ducks. Now tell me, are you in or are you out?"

She didn’t need to think about it. "I’m in. It’s about time Angel pays for what he did to me."

***

Buffy walked down the hall to her sister’s bedroom, carrying a basket full of laundry for Dawn to put away. As she was about to knock on the door, the sound of her sister’s voice from inside the room stopped her.

"Last night was totally amazing, Katie," Dawn said into the telephone. "Brian picked me up at seven and we told Buffy we were going to a movie and then to the Bronze…Yeah, she believed me. It surprised me because I’m sure she told Mom and Dad the same thing when she was my age…Hey, whatever works. Anyway, we ended up at his house and he had a romantic dinner waiting for us. We ate, we danced and then we went up to his bedroom and did it…No his parents weren’t home! Do you think we’re stupid enough to have sex if his parents were in the house? No way!"

Hearing every word, Buffy almost dropped the laundry basket on the floor. As if in a trance, she went to her room. Her knees buckled under her and she fell to the floor next to the bed, her face burning from the hot tears welling in her eyes. ‘It’s not fair,’ she thought, dropping her forehead to her knees. ‘My little sister is having sex and I’m not. What’s wrong with me?’

From across the hall in his bedroom, Angel heard low cries coming from his wife’s room. Wondering what was the matter, he quickly made his way over, finding her on the ground with sobs wracking her body. "Buffy? What’s wrong? Did something happen?"

She lifted her head, barely making out his face through her tears. "Angel," she said before another plethora of tears took over.

"Tell me what happened. Are you okay?" He feared she might be sick or hurt but didn’t want to tell him. "I’m worried about you. Why are you crying?"

"What’s wrong with me?" she asked him.

Angel didn’t understand her question. "What’s wrong with you? What do you mean?"

"Am I so hideous that looking at me disgusts people? Why don’t men want to be with me? Am I unlovable?" Buffy wanted to know.

He sat down on the floor next to her. "You’re not hideous, Buffy. You are beautiful. And believe me, you are very lovable. A man would have to be blind and stupid not to want you. Not tell me what brought all this on."

Buffy sucked in a deep breath. "I-I overheard Dawn telling Katie on the phone that she and Brian…that they had sex. And I want to know why nobody wants to with me." ‘I can’t let Angel know I’ve never had sex. I’ll be completely humiliated.’

‘She feels jealous,’ he said to himself, remembering the slumber party she’d had a few years back, where he found out Buffy had been a virgin when they married. From her reaction, he gathered she still was. ‘It might hurt her even more if she finds out I know.’ "Because every man who lays eyes on you knows you’re my wife. They’re too afraid I’ll beat the crap out of them if they touch you."

"What about before you? They didn’t want me then, either."

"Then that’s their loss, not yours. Wanna know something? Over the last few years, I have really begun thinking of you as my wife, even if we’ve never actually consummated our marriage. And the thought of some guy touching you drives me crazy sometimes. But when I really think about it, I can’t blame him for wanting to be with you. You’re everything any sane man would want."

Buffy smiled sadly, sniffling. "You’re only saying that to make me feel better."

He shook his head. "No, I’m not. You’re a wonderful person, Buffy. And someday, you’re going to make some man very happy. Then I’ll be able to say he’s as lucky as I’ve been for the past two years."

"Do you think there’s somebody out there for everyone?" she questioned, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Yeah, now I do. If you’d asked me that same question a few years ago, I would have given you a different answer. Maybe I’m less jaded these days. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, Buffy. Does that make you feel a little better?"

"A little. Thank you."

"No, thank *you* for making me less jaded. And don’t worry about Dawn. Or yourself. I’ll be watching out for both of you for a very long time."

"You mean that?"

Angel nodded his head sincerely. "Yes, I do. You’re not getting rid of me that easily. You can think of me as your big brother, if you like. Any man who wants to be with you will have to go through me first." Only he hoped she didn’t think of him as a big brother. Because he didn’t think of her as a sister. He never could.

***

When Dawn came downstairs for breakfast the next morning, she found her older sister sitting at the table waiting for her. "You’re up early for a Sunday," she commented. "What, are you going shopping with Willow and Cordelia?"

"No. I got up early so I could talk to you about something important." Buffy motioned to the chair across the table from her. "Sit down, Dawn."

With raised eyebrows, the seventeen year old took a seat. "Okay, what’s with the dire? You’ve got the same look on your face Mom and Dad used to have whenever they were about to lecture one of us." She paused, realizing what was going on. "I get it, I’m about to get lectured. What did I do?"

"I thought we agreed in the beginning that we wouldn’t keep secrets from each other. That we’d be open and honest," Buffy said.

"We did. What’s all this about? I’m not keeping any secrets from you, Buffy. If you want to know something, just ask."

She took a sip of her orange juice. "Fine. Why didn’t you tell me you’ve been having sex with Brian?"

Dawn didn’t say anything for a long time. So many emotions were coursing through her body: hurt, fear, betrayal and finally anger. "How did you find out?" she demanded.

"That’s not important, what is–"

"I think it is important! Did Faith tell you? She swore on her life she wouldn’t."

‘Faith knows about it?’ "She didn’t tell me. I overheard you talking on the phone last night. Your door was opened a crack and I was walking down the hallway," Buffy explained.

"So you were eavesdropping on my private conversation. Does that make it all right?"

She sighed. Talking to her younger sister was going to be harder than she originally anticipated. "Look, all I want to do is talk to you, not give you the same lecture Mom and Dad gave me and Faith."

"No. You wanna tell me I made a huge mistake and that I should have waited until I got married like you did. Sorry if I’m not perfect like you are, Buffy. I guess I just don’t have your willpower. But I love Brian and he loves me, but I suppose that doesn’t matter to you. I told Faith you wouldn’t understand and I was right. I wasn’t keeping a secret from you, you just would never understand what I’m going through. And don’t try to tell me you haven’t been keeping secrets from me, I know you are." She got up from the table and stalked out of the room.

Five minutes later when Angel entered the kitchen, Buffy sat in the same spot, staring at the chair Dawn had vacated. "I’m assuming your talk with Dawn didn’t go too well," he assumed.

"That’s the understatement of the century. She thought I heard it from Faith, which means Faith knows about it. Which is to say Dawn feels more comfortable talking to Faith than me. Do you know how much that hurts me?" Buffy asked.

"I’m guessing it hurts you a lot," he surmised. "How about I talk to Dawn? Give her a guy’s perspective on sex rather than a lecture from her older sister. She might respond better to that."

Buffy shook her head. "You don’t have to. Dawn is my responsibility, not yours."

"Can I at least try?"

"Go ahead, give it a whirl. But if she didn’t listen to me, I doubt she’ll listen to you, Angel."

***

Angel tentatively knocked on his sister-in-law’s bedroom door. "Dawn, it’s Angel! Can I come in for a minute?" he asked over the loud rock music coming from inside.

The music muted and the door opened slowly. "Depends," she started. "Am I going to get a lecture?"

"No. I didn’t come up here to say how wrong it was or whatever you might be expecting me to say. I just want to talk to you."

She opened the door all the way, allowing him to step inside. "Buffy didn’t send you, did she?"

He shook his head in response. "No. She actually thought it would be a bad idea, but I chose to ignore her. I thought you might want somebody to talk to, or would like to hear a man’s point of view about sex."

"What do you know about it?"

"About sex? A lot. Look, I just want to be here for you. If you have any questions, I could answer them for you. Or I could offer my experience."

"Experience?" Dawn asked incredulously.

Angel couldn’t help but smile. "Yes, experience. I was once a seventeen-year-old boy, you know. I know what goes through their minds when they’re around a pretty girl. Self-control stops being an issue after a while."

"I love Brian. He loves me. What’s the big deal?"

"Buffy and I don’t want to see you get hurt. Come on, Dawn, you’re like my little sister; I have to look out for you," Angel told her. "Why don’t you want to talk to Buffy about it? It hurt her knowing that you didn’t come to her first."

She shrugged her shoulders. "I didn’t think she’d understand the way Faith would. She’s got all kinds of experience with that kind of stuff and Buffy doesn’t. I can’t talk to her about love and lust and sex because she never went through what I’m going through. Buffy has always known what she wanted and then went after it. She believes in waiting for Mr. Right, and that’s exactly what she did; she waited for you. Buffy may have saved herself for her true love but I can’t."

"You don’t think Brian is your true love?"

"I don’t know. I love him and I’ve wanted to be with him since I was fourteen, but I don’t think I can see myself growing old with him. That’s who I imagined my true love to be – a man I could grow old with." She slumped down on her bed. "Now I feel like I made a huge mistake."

Angel sat next to her. ‘Good Lord, when did I become Dr. Ruth? I’m giving love and sex advice to a teenager. What’s happened to me?’ "You may not like what I’m about to say, but just listen to me. You can’t change what you’ve done; you slept with Brian and now you’re thinking it might be a mistake because you’re afraid he might not be your true love. I say, so what? Do you have any idea how many women I slept with before I met your sister? Far more than I can count."

Dawn looked down, a small smile on her lips. "Yeah, I gathered that. You didn’t strike me as the type of guy who waited until marriage."

"You want to know something? Most guys are the exact same way. Buffy isn’t expecting you to wait for Mr. Right, or for marriage like she did. But she knows that you’re not her. And she doesn’t want you to make the same choices she did. You’re allowed to live your own life. Maybe she wishes she were a part of it. But neither of us want to see you get hurt by some guy who’s only out for a good time. There are plenty of guys out there like that and it could lead to a lifetime of consequences for you to deal with."

"I guess I understand that. Do you regret the way you were before you and Buffy got married?" Dawn wanted to know.

"No. I think I had to be a total louse to see how wonderful Buffy is. It took me close to thirty-one years to fall in love, it’s not going to happen to you overnight."

"Are you going to kill Brian now?" she asked, worried.

Angel snorted. "When Buffy told me last night, I gave it serious consideration. But I think I’ll wait and see how things turn out first. He’s safe. For now."

***

"Mr. McKenzie, there’s a young woman out here to see you. And she doesn’t have an appointment," Jenny announced over Angel’s intercom Monday morning. It never ceased to annoy her when somebody showed up expecting to see her boss without an appointment.

He knit his eyebrows together, curious as to who it might be. "It isn’t Faith or Dawn, is it?" he asked his secretary.

"Unfortunately not. I’ve never seen this one before."

"Let her in."

The door opened a moment later, and Angel was face-to-face with a blast from his past. "Drusilla," he gasped, totally surprised to see her. "What are you doing here?"

Drusilla removed her long coat, placing it on the leather couch in the office. Her long, dark hair swept across her almost-bare shoulders in waves, a tight red sundress accentuated her curves. ‘Still as devilishly handsome as ever,’ she thought. "Hello, my Angel. Aren’t you pleased to see an old friend?"

"Of course." Angel blinked in astonishment. Drusilla Randolph was the last person he’d expected to find in his office. "I thought you were in London."

"I was. I’m working as a clothing designer and I’m in Sunnydale searching for inspiration. Having spent so much time away, I’d forgotten how beautiful it is here. In fact, I ran into Spike Saturday evening."

"Oh."

"I wanted to come see you. Don’t worry, I’m not going into Fatal Attraction mode this time around; a year in the hospital cured me of that. I hear you are married," she stated.

Angel nodded his head. "Yes. Happily married for a little over two years. Her name is Buffy."

She walked around to his desk, picking up a picture of Angel and a pretty blonde she didn’t recognize. ‘This must be the infamous Buffy,’ Drusilla said to herself. ‘I can see why Spike is so smitten with her.’ "Is this her?" she questioned, pointing to her.

"That’s my Buffy."

The look of adoration on Angel’s face didn’t escape her attention. She could see how in love with Buffy he was. "She is very pretty."

"That she is." He took a deep breath, searching for the right words. "Dru, I owe you an apology for what happened before. I didn’t mean to hurt you the way I did. It was heartless and cruel."

"You don’t owe me anything. All I want to do is put the past in the past and bury it. We can start with a clean slate, as friends. Maybe we can even have dinner together sometime before I leave."

"I can do that. Friends."

‘This is going to be easier than I thought. One night with me and Angel will be asking "Buffy who?"’

***

Two months later in late March, Buffy, Willow, Cordelia and Faith sat around Buffy’s kitchen table plying catch-up. They’d been there for an hour and Faith had not said much of anything since she had arrived. Her silence was beginning to unnerve Buffy, who feared something was wrong with her adopted sister.

"Faith? Are you okay?" she asked. "You’ve been really quiet ever since you got here."

With a frown, Faith shook her head. "Not really, but I’ll be fine. I don’t mean to bring you guys down."

"What happened?" Willow wanted to know. She and Faith hadn’t been the best of friends when they were growing up, but she didn’t like seeing anyone upset.

"Spike and I broke up yesterday. Well actually, I broke up with him."

"How come?"

Faith sighed heavily. "I got sick of it. All he ever wanted to do was have sex, have sex and have more sex. I’m twenty-five years old, I think I’m past that stage in my life. So I gave him an ultimatum: either give me a commitment or I’m gone. He didn’t answer, so I kicked him out of the house and told him never to come back."

"Oh, Faith, I’m so sorry," her younger sister apologized.

"Don’t be, it’s not your fault Spike is scum. I’ve had more than my fair share of crummy relationships, beginning long before Parker. I want a real relationship, like the one you have with Angel, Buffy. I want a man who loves me, a happy marriage and lots of kids. Okay, maybe one or two, not a truckload."

Cordelia was impressed. "Gotta hand it to you, Faith. Finally giving the bleached-blonde prick the old heave-ho. It’s about damn time."

"I agree," Willow told her. "He always scared me a little bit. Sorry, Buffy. I know he’s your husband’s best friend."

"Don’t be. He scares me, too, sometimes."

"You know," Faith began, "I’m sick of getting screwed around by guys. You three are lucky, you’ve got great guys who love you. Now I want that."

"You will. You just have to meet the right guy."

The front door slammed shut, and the four young women looked up when Dawn came running into the kitchen, clutching a large square envelope. "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!" she shouted. "I can’t believe it!"

"Can’t believe what?" Buffy questioned the teenager.

"I got in!" She handed Buffy the envelope.

She read over the contents. "Oh my…congratulations, Dawnie! You got accepted to NYU, that’s great news! You’ve wanted to go there since you were a little girl."

"I’m so happy. I finally get out of Sunnydale. Do you have any idea how excited I am about this?"

Buffy smiled, genuinely happy for her sister. "I think I have an inkling."

"Congrats, Dawn," Willow told her. "That’s no easy feat."

"Way to go," added Cordelia.

"Just remember us little people when you’re a big star on Broadway," teased Faith.

Dawn turned to Buffy. "Can I call Angel at the office and tell him the good news?" she asked.

"I think he’s busy with meetings all day and he’s having dinner with a friend later. How about we just surprise him with a chocolate cake later on when he gets back?" she suggested.

"Works for me. I’m going to call Katie and tell her the good news. She’s going to be so jealous when she finds out." Dawn left the room to call her best friend.

***

Drusilla kept her smile hidden from view as she unlocked her hotel room door. She didn’t want Angel to get suspicious; after all, they were only friends. ‘But after tonight we won’t be,’ she thought. "Dinner was magnificent, Angel," she complimented. "You always did have exquisite taste in restaurants."

"Thank you. Although it was eclipsed by the company I kept."

Drusilla flashed him a sly smile. "You always were charming. It’s good to know that some things will never change."

"No, they do. You just have to look underneath the surface."

‘Which is precisely what I am planning to do tonight. Find out what’s new and improved under *your* surface.’ "Would you like something to drink? My boss sent over a bottle of scotch to celebrate my new designs. She loved them."

Angel thought it over for a moment or two. "I’d love to. But only for one drink."

They entered the room and Drusilla poured them each a glass of scotch while Angel sat down on the edge of the bed. She handed it to him and sat down to his left, leaving less than an inch of room between them. "How about a toast? To new old friends."

Angel lifted his glass, clinking it against hers. "To new old friends."

Each of them took a sip, Drusilla placed her glass on the bedside table and turned to her guest. ‘It’s now or never, Dru,’ she told herself. ‘Time to do it.’ "Are you happy, Angel?" she asked him. "With your life the way it is now?"

"I guess so."

She raised her eyebrows. "You guess?"

"Yeah."

"Something’s missing, I assume. A happily married man wouldn’t look as sad as you do if everything was perfect in his life." She touched his face gently. "You are missing something. I can tell."

Angel never even had a chance to reply; Drusilla turned his face in her direction and pressed her lips to his. The move shocked him, but he didn’t pull away. It had been so long since he’d been kissed by a woman and he just couldn’t stop himself from responding to her. Even though it wasn’t the woman he wanted to kiss.

Drusilla, however, couldn’t have been more pleased. Things were working out the way she and Spike had planned. It had taken her two months, but she finally had Angel where she wanted him. She felt his hands unzipping her dress and knew she had won. After six years, she would finally have her revenge against him – bed him and dump him the way he had her. And when he tried to turn to his young wife, Angel would find her in the arms of his best friend. It was perfect. So she began unbuttoning his white dress shirt.

Angel couldn’t seem to stop himself from undressing her. It had been far too long since he’d had sex and he wanted nothing more than to ease the unbearable ache between his legs. For the duration of his marriage to Buffy, he remained faithful to her. He could never betray her like that, but he just couldn’t stop the need. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Drusilla again, or Buffy for that matter, but the temptation proved too great. He needed physical contact.

"Angel…" a soft voice called.

He ignored it, thinking it was in his imagination, because it wasn’t Drusilla’s voice. It couldn’t possibly be, she was too busy kissing him. Then he heard it again. "Angel…"

Opening his eyes, he saw Buffy standing behind Drusilla. She was dressed in a flowing white dress with baby’s breath in her long blonde hair, a sad look upon her face. "Please don’t do this, Angel. If you sleep with Drusilla, I’ll never be able to forgive you for it. I love you. And if you love me back, you won’t betray me like this."

He blinked his eyes but when he focused them on where she had been standing, Buffy was gone. Angel regained his composure and jumped up from the bed, leaving a stunned Drusilla looking up at him. "Angel? What’s wrong?"

Quickly, he buttoned his shirt and stared at the beautiful brunette clad only in a black lace bra and matching underwear. Her dress had been discarded on the floor near her feet. "I-I can’t do this, Dru. I’m sorry."

"I don’t get it. You still want me, I can feel it." She lowered her gaze to his groin. "I can even see it. Just take what you want."

He vehemently shook his head. "No. I love…I love my wife." ‘Oh my god, I said it. I told someone that I love Buffy. Out loud.’ The admission took him by surprise. And he ran out of the room.

Drusilla stared angrily at the door after he exited. "I’ll get you back, Angel McKenzie. Spike will have his revenge and through him, I’ll get mine. And I hope you’ll be as miserable as I am."

***

Twenty minutes after he had left Drusilla’s hotel room, he returned to his house, coming in through the back door from the garage. Buffy heard him enter and then noticed how upset he looked. Something had happened to him, leaving her concerned as to his emotional state of mind. He had been out with Drusilla and she assumed something went down between them. "Angel?" she called as he walked past her through the kitchen. "Is something wrong?"

He stopped when he heard her voice and turned to look at her. The sight of her made his heart pound. All he could think about when he saw her was the apparition in Drusilla’s hotel room, begging him not to make love to the other woman. And his admission of love. "H-Hi," he stuttered.

"You look frazzled. Did something happen?"

"No! I’m fine." He saw the bowl sitting on the counter. "What are you making?" Angel asked, changing the subject.

She smiled. "Chocolate cake. We were going to have it tonight when you got home from dinner with your friend Drusilla, but you’re home awfully early. Dawn got her acceptance letter from NYU today."

"That’s terrific news." He reached over to stick his finger in the batter for a taste. Buffy slapped his hand after he’d scooped a good amount on his pointer finger. "Hey!"

"Don’t do that!" she chastised. "There are raw eggs in there."

He tasted the batter. "Very good." He stuck his finger in the chocolate mixture again and spread it over her lips. "Here, try some."

"Yuck. No thanks. I don’t eat raw cake batter."

She began to wipe it off but Angel stopped her. Rather than rub the batter off, he pressed his lips against hers in a sweet kiss, kissing a licking it off of her. Buffy didn’t try to stop him, although she wondered what brought it on, although asking him the reason was the last thing on her mind as his tongue probed the inside of her mouth. She held him tightly, fearing she’d lose her balance as the kiss deepened. The kiss had to end sometime and she feared it would end too soon. His kisses were addictive.

Angel wanted to carry her up to his room and show her his true feelings. But he knew doing that might cost him everything he wanted. There was no way he’d be able to stand her rejection, so he needed to woo her; show her the man he could be rather than the man he used to be. He knew it would take time to prove to her that she changed him for the better.

When they ended their kiss, Buffy needed time to catch her breath. "Wow. What was that for?"

"I don’t know. I just felt like doing it. I hope I didn’t upset you by kissing you like that," Angel told her. "But I don’t regret doing it."

Buffy shook her head. "I don’t regret it either. And it’s okay, I didn’t mind at all. It actually…it was nice. All your kisses have been nice."

"They have?"

"Yeah."

Angel bit his lip, fearing he’d kiss her again and not be able to stop. "I’m, uh, going to congratulate Dawn on her acceptance," he said. "And take a shower." ‘A long, cold one.’

As he walked through the living room, Angel sighed. Admitting to himself that he loved Buffy was one thing, admitting it to her was something completely different. And he needed more time to win her love in return.

***

"Where are you going?" Buffy wanted to know when she saw Angel putting on his coat. "I thought we were going out for our anniversary dinner."

"We are. But I have to go to the office for a few hours and go over a few things. I’ll be home in plenty of time for dinner. Trust me, I have no intention of missing it."

"Okay. You had better be home in time. I bought a new dress and I’m dying to wear it out. Not to mention, we have some serious talking to do. Today’s the deadline," she reminded him.

Angel nodded his head in agreement. "I know very well what today is; our three-year wedding anniversary. And I totally agree, you and I need to talk about it tonight."

Tonight was the night for Angel; after spending close to eight months keeping his love for Buffy a secret, he would tell her over dinner. He became a changed man the night he’d almost slept with Drusilla, instead of trying to fight his feelings for his wife, Angel accepted them. He did his best to show her in subtle ways, such as romantic dinners, long walks and the occasional kiss. But if Buffy suspected his motives, she kept it to herself.

"Big decisions to make tonight," Buffy commented.

"Exactly." ‘More than you know, Buffy. More than you could possibly know.’ "I promise I won’t be long. Have fun without me all by your lonesome in this big house."

Buffy laughed. "Gee, I think I can manage without you somehow. Dawn’s been away at school for three months now. I’m getting used to the quiet."

Once he left for the office, she went up to her room to watch television. She was excited about dinner; she couldn’t wait to have her talk with Angel. Whatever the evening held for them, Buffy counted on it being a night neither of them would ever forget.

At three in the afternoon, while she was watching General Hospital, Buffy heard the front door close. ‘Wow, Angel’s home early. I thought he’d be out until at least five,’ she thought. "Angel?" she called. "You’re back early."

A figure stood in the doorway. "Sorry, pet. It’s not Angel."

***

Sitting at his desk, Angel was unable to concentrate on his work. All he could think about was Buffy and the romantic dinner he had planned for them. Seven o’clock seemed like years away rather than four hours from that moment. The reservations he made at La Rouge had been secured back in July. The events of their dinner would change his life forever – either for the better or for the worse.

Opening his top desk drawer, Angel pulled out a black velvet box and slowly removed the top. Inside sat a one-and-a-half carat diamond ring in an oval shape set in gold. He sighed at it, imagining his wife’s face when he gave it to her.

// "Buffy, I have to tell you something."

She gazed curiously at him. She assumed he wanted to talk about the dissolution of their three year marriage. "Okay. I’m listening."

Angel took a deep breath. "These past three years…they have been the happiest of my life. After Darla cheated on me and broke my heart, I thought I’d never find a woman I could love the way I loved her. But I was wrong, dead wrong. Because you walked through my office door and I was gone. Buffy, I loved you the moment I saw you. I’m *in* love with you. And I can’t imagine living the rest of my life without you in it."

He pulled the box containing the diamond engagement ring out of his coat pocket. "I’m sick of living this sham of a marriage. I want you to be my wife, Buffy. Will you marry me for real this time?"

Seeing the ring glinting in the candlelight, Buffy couldn’t seem to catch her breath. "Y-You want to marry me?"

He nodded. "Yes. A real wedding; in a church in front of our friends and family. No one will have to be any the wiser. We can tell them we want to renew our vows in a church wedding. Well?"

"Yes," she replied, thrusting her left hand toward him so he could place the ring on her finger. "Yes, I want to marry you." \\

The fantasy brought a smile to his face. He stacked his papers into a neat pile and locked them inside his desk before leaving to go home. All he wanted to do was see Buffy.

***

Buffy looked up, seeing Spike standing just inside her bedroom. He wore a vicious smile on his face that frightened her. It was then that she wished Angel was home. "Hi, Spike. Angel’s at the office, he should be home at five. I’ll let him know you stopped by to see him, though," she said, hoping he’d leave when he found out his friend wasn’t home.

"That’s okay. I’m not here to see Angel," he told her. "I came for you."

She raised her eyebrows. "Me? What for?"

He approached her slowly, like a stalking predator to its prey. "Don’t play coy with me, Buffy. You know why I am here."

"No, I don’t."

"Please. You know what I want. You and me, we’ve been dancing around each other for years now. And I’m here to get what you’ve been teasing me with since the day we met."

"I don’t get it, Spike. Cut to the point. What are you really here?" she demanded. His demeanor was really beginning to scare her.

Spike moved even closer to her, causing Buffy to back away from him. When her back was pressed against the wall, she knew she was trapped. "You need me to spell it out for you? I want *you,* Buffy. And I’m here to collect."

"Get away from me."

"No."

"I’ll call Angel."

"You won’t make to the phone and he wouldn’t be able to get here in time anyway," Spike drawled, chilling her heart.

Placing an arm on either side of her body, Spike caged her in, pushing his lips to hers. Buffy shook her head from side to side, trying to keep his lips off of her but it didn’t work. He lifted his right hand and slapped it across her cheek, making her head snap to the right. Then he held her head in place before forcing his tongue inside her mouth. It probed and poked and prodded, not at all like Angel’s kisses. Buffy knew that if she didn’t do something soon, Spike would rape her.

Using all her strength, Buffy raised her knee, connecting it with her would-be attacker’s groin. He roared in pain, letting go of her and falling to the ground. Buffy used the opportunity to try to run into the bathroom. There she could lock herself in until Angel got home. As she made her way around Spike’s fallen body, he grabbed her legs, causing her to fall to the ground face-first.

He turned her over and straddled his best friend’s wife. "You fucking bitch!" Spike swore. ‘How dare she fight me!’ With all of his anger, he fisted his hand and connected it with her eye. He smiled when Buffy cried out from the shear force of his punch.

"You’ll pay for that," he warned.

Spike gripped her neck with his left hand and began unbuttoning her pants with his right one. She tried to kick him, but her legs were trapped under his. It was a futile attempt at escape which she knew wouldn’t work; neither would her cries for him to stop. There was no way the neighbors would hear her, and Angel wouldn’t return for hours. Buffy couldn’t get away, and she began to prepare for the worst.

"Stop it!" she screamed as loud as she could, hoping against all hope that he might listen to her pleas.

Angel walked through the front door in time to hear his wife cry out. Not wasting a second, he bolted up the stairs to her bedroom. The sight before him shocked him beyond belief: his best friend forcing himself on his wife, his hand pushing down her black pants while she struggled beneath him. Buffy’s face had turned a bright shade of red from the lack of oxygen. With both fear and anger gripping his heart, Angel ran to the two.

"Get off of her!" Angel shouted, grabbing Spike by the neck and wrenching him off his wife. Spike toppled backward from the force. "What the hell do you think you’re doing?"

"Just taking what I rightfully deserve," Spike growled.

Angel took his arm and dragged him out of the room, down the stairs and toward the front door. "You don’t deserve anything from her."

"You don’t think so, huh? Your bloody wife has been flaunting her goodies in front of me for years and I finally came to collect. She was just playing hard to get. What the hell are you getting so bent out of shape about? You sure as hell aren’t fucking her, so why shouldn’t I?"

"You have a warped sense of reality, Spike. You tried to rape my wife! There’s no way you can justify that."

Spike whipped around, his anger finally boiling over after nearly twenty years. It was time to lay all the cards on the table. "How about you owe me!? I spent years screwing women you’ve already had. I’m sick of it. For once, I want to get there first. I’m bloody tired of being second behind you. Every woman I’ve cared about has already been with you. You know what? It’s time for a little payback. I’ll take the woman *you* want. It would have been perfect if you’d just had sex with Dru again like she and I planned. But noooo…you had to go all noble on us. Ruined my plans for getting Buffy in bed the old-fashioned way."

"And you feel that gives you the right to rape my wife?" Angel yelled.

"It’ll be a first time she’ll never forget," gloated Spike. "Too bad you interrupted it."

"Get out. And don’t you ever even think about coming back. You’re not welcome here anymore. Come near my family again and I’ll kill you," he threatened before pushing Spike out of the door and slamming it shut behind him.

When he returned to Buffy’s bedroom, he found her sitting on the floor, clutching her legs to her chest. "He’s gone now, Buffy. And he won’t hurt you again. Are you okay?"

"He tried to…" She couldn’t finish the sentence. Thinking about it made her want to cry even harder.

"Yeah, I know he did." Angel lifted her head so he could look her in the eyes. He saw the black eye she now sported courtesy of Spike’s punch. "Oh god, Buff. He really did hurt you. I’m so sorry he did this to you. Nobody deserves that, especially not you."

"I don’t understand. I didn’t do anything to make him attack me. I swear I didn’t."

He nodded in understanding. "I know you didn’t. How do you feel?" He didn’t know how to deal with her. And Angel hated not knowing what to do.

Her lower lip trembled and tears streamed down her cheeks. "He tried to rape me, Angel. He really hurt me."

Angel took her in his arms, letting her cry on his shoulder. "I know he did. Just let it out, Buffy. Cry if you need to. I’ll be right here."

***

"Buffy, I think it would be a good idea if we call the police about what happened here tonight," Angel suggested, still trying to console his crying wife.

She lifted her head from his shoulders, tears evident in her eyes. "No. I’m not going to the police. No way, no how."

"It’s the only way to make him pay for what he did to you. They can bring him up on charges of assault and attempted rape. I have friends in the D.A.’s office who can make the charges stick to him like super glue."

"I said no, Angel. I don’t care if he pays for it, I just want to forget it ever happened. Can’t I just do that?"

He gazed into her eyes, seeing the determination in her green orbs. Obviously, there would be no changing her mind. "If you’re sure this is what you want."

"Yeah, I’m sure."

"Okay. But if you change your mind…"

"I won’t."

An awkward silence followed. Angel didn’t quite know what he had to do or what Buffy needed from him. He hated feeling so helpless. But when he saw how black and blue her eye was becoming, he finally knew what needed to be done. "Your eye, Buffy…you need ice on it."

"Is it bad?"

"Well, it’s gonna be a pretty nasty shade of black and blue. Come on, let’s go down to the kitchen and ice it to keep the swelling down."

Buffy bit her lip. "I can’t. I can’t feel my legs, I don’t think I can walk without falling down flat on my face."

She was still in shock, that Angel knew for certain. So he stood up and scooped her into his arms, carrying her down the stairs to the kitchen. He placed her on the counter next to the refrigerator. She sat saying nothing while he was placing ice cubes in a cloth.

"This may sting a little bit," he warned her.

Buffy nodded, and winced when the cold cloth came in contact with her tender skin. She whimpered in pain, so Angel smoothed her hair with his free hand in a show of comfort. He felt so bad for her, he wished he could take her pain away. To him, there was nothing worse than seeing the woman he loved in pain. "Sorry," Angel apologized. "I told you it would hurt a little."

"You sound like you talk from experience."

Angel smirked slyly. "Just a little bit. I wasn’t the most well-behaved child in boarding school and I ended up in a lot of fights. A black eye was pretty much a given once a month. As soon as one healed, I’d have another one."

"Wild child?" she asked with a smile on her face, glad he was able to take her mind off of her attack.

"Try a holy terror. The nuns thought I was Satan’s spawn." He could see a red mark forming on her other cheek and the outline of Spike’s fingers on her thin neck. "God, Buffy, he really did a number on you, didn’t he? Bastard."

Looking down in embarrassment, she nodded slowly. "Yeah. I don’t understand why he did this to me. Why, Angel? I didn’t do anything to give him the wrong idea. I know I didn’t."

"You didn’t do anything wrong. This wasn’t about you, it was about me. Spike wanted revenge against me for something that happened to him years ago that he thought was my fault. And he took it out on you, knowing that by hurting you, he’d hurt me, too."

Buffy didn’t understand. "What did you do to him? Or what does he think you did?"

"It’s not important; it’s stupid actually. Let’s just say Spike isn’t the best friend I always thought he was. I’m not making light of what he did to you because it was horrible and unnecessary. He knows how important you are to me and got back at me through you. I’m sorry you were dragged into it the way you were. The last thing I ever wanted was for you to get hurt."

"I don’t blame you for this. I just…I don’t know. What I do know is that if you hadn’t gotten home when you did, Spike would have–"

Angel put his fingers over Buffy’s lips to quiet her. "Don’t even think about it. He didn’t go through with it, just leave it at that. Spike is gone; out of our lives for good. I want you to forget this ever happened."

"I don’t know if I can. I’m scared, I don’t feel safe in my own home anymore."

"You won’t be alone, Buffy. I’m going to take off work tomorrow and you and I are gonna spend the day together. And I am canceling our dinner plans for tonight. Wanna order a pizza?" he wanted to know.

"I’m sorry for ruining our plans for tonight. I know how important this dinner was going to be. We were going to talk about the future."

He solemnly nodded, thinking about the ring sitting inside his coat pocket. "Yeah, we were. But it can wait until you’re feeling up to it."

"Sure. As long as you don’t mind."

"You’re much more important to me right now. Happy not-so-happy Anniversary, Buffy." "Same to you."

***

The two of them spent the rest of the night sitting on the couch, Buffy curled up in Angel’s embrace. She felt safe with him there, as if nothing could hurt her when his arms were around her. After the attack that afternoon, she found herself wondering how she’d get by without him there when they divorced. The thought of being away from him frightened her.

After the movie they were watching was over, Angel turned off the television. "You still awake over there?"

"Uh-huh. I’m just thinking."

"About anything in particular?"

"No. Just random thoughts. Is the movie over already?"

"Yep. What do you want to do now? It’s only ten o’clock," Angel told her.

She smiled. "A hot bath sounds really, really good right about now."

"You got it."

Buffy stood up and made her way to the staircase, stopping before she went up a single step. Fear gripped her at the thought of being alone upstairs. "Angel, will you come with me? I don’t want to go up there alone."

"Of course I will." He followed her to the bathroom between their bedrooms. "I’ll wait in my room until you’re done in here."

She shook her head as she drew the bath, pouring some bubble bath in there as well. She looked up at him with fear in her eyes. "Please don’t. Stay in here with me. I’m afraid of being alone."

"Are you sure?"

"I wouldn’t have asked you if I wasn’t a hundred percent positive. Could you just keep your back turned while I get undressed?" Even though Buffy knew he’d seen her naked, she was still shy about her body in front of him.

"You got it." Angel did as he was told, not turning back around until he heard the okay from her. The sight that awaited him took his breath away. Even with a black eye and a red cheek, Buffy was still beautiful. The bubbles covered her to her neck and she leaned her head against the tiles behind her with her eyes closed. "Feeling better?"

"Much. It’s amazing how a hot bath will soothe and relax you. My mother used to swear by them. And she was right."

She lifted her right leg from the water and washed it with soap and a washcloth. Angel couldn’t take his eyes off of her. He knew if he didn’t do something productive, he would go completely crazy. "If you want, I’ll wash your back for you. It might help you relax even more."

"You don’t mind?"

"It would be my pleasure."

He sat on the edge of the bathtub, took the washcloth from her hand and ran it up and down her smooth back as she leaned forward. Buffy moaned; nobody had ever washed her back before, and it felt amazing. Angel seemed to know exactly what he was doing. "You’ve done this before, haven’t you?"

"A few times. Darla liked it."

She felt a tug of jealously at her heart at the mention of his ex-girlfriend. "Did she? You did this for her?"

"Once in a while. But she never deserved it like you do right now."

Buffy turned to look at her husband, and swore she saw a hurt look in his brown eyes. "She hurt you a lot when she cheated on you, didn’t she?"

"You could say that. She was the first woman I ever loved and she broke my heart in a million pieces when I caught her in bed with one of her co-workers. For a long time, I gave up on love because I was afraid of getting hurt again. But I’m not afraid anymore."

"I’m glad for that. You deserve better than her. Anyone who cheats on you just isn’t worth the trouble. She didn’t know how lucky she was to have you in her life. But her loss is my incredible gain. I’m lucky and I know it."

"I’m lucky, too."

"Thank you for doing that, Angel. I feel a little better now. I think I’m going to get out in a few minutes and get ready for bed. Do you think you could do me one more favor?"

"Anything."

"Spend the night with me."

Angel’s eyes widened with surprise at her request. "Excuse me?"

She took a deep breath. "I didn’t mean it like that. Sure, I’m feeling better after the bath, but I’m still scared. I have this fear of Spike coming back to finish what he started. And I only feel safe when you’re around. Could you…I mean, would you sleep in my room tonight?" Buffy asked.

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Stop asking me that. I’m sure. You’re like my protector. A guardian angel. I find it rather ironic."

"Then I will. Just let me get dressed for bed."

As he was heading for his bedroom, Buffy called out to him. "Angel? Thank you."

He smiled at her. "You’re welcome."

***

Angel knocked on the bedroom door across the hall, not wanting to walk in on Buffy while she was getting changed for bed. The last thing she needed was to be frightened once more that day. "Buffy? Is it all right if I come in now?"

A few seconds passed by before she replied. "Yeah, you can come in."

He opened the door slowly, walking in as she was climbing under the covers. Her long hair still hung damply past her shoulders. The black eye had finally settled down to one shade and the redness in her other cheek had substantially subsided. "Where do you want me?" Angel asked her. He assumed he’d sleep on the reclining chair on the other side of the room.

Buffy patted the empty side of the bed next to her. "Here. Do you mind?"

"Not at all. Are you sure you’ll be comfortable with me there?"

She nodded. "Totally comfortable. The other side of the room is way too far in case…you know, if he comes back tonight."

Angel laid down on the bed, next to his wife. "Spike would have to be very stupid to come back here after what he pulled this afternoon. He knows exactly what I’ll do to him if I find him anywhere near you."

Turning off the lamp next to her bed, Buffy settled under the covers. "Angel?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you mind…I mean, would you put your arms around me? I’d feel a little safer if you did. If you don’t want to, I completely understand."

"I’d like to. Especially if it’ll make you feel better."

Buffy scooted to his side of the bed and laid on her side to allow him to envelope her in his embrace. Angel held her like a fragile china doll in his arms, soothingly rubbing her right arm. Her cheek rested on his shoulder. ‘Under different circumstances, we could be like this right now as well. Only instead she’d be wearing my new ring on her finger and we’d have just made love for the first time.’ He cursed Spike for ruining his golden opportunity.

"Feel better?" he wanted to know.

"Much. I hate this so much, Angel. I hate feeling like a victim. God, Spike could have killed me this afternoon." A fresh batch of tears welled up in her eyes, slipping out onto his bare shoulder.

"Please don’t cry again. I hate seeing you cry. Look, I’m here now, he’s not gonna come anywhere near you as long as I’m around. And I am not going anywhere for a while, so you have nothing to worry about, Buffy."

"Do you mean that? You won’t go anywhere?" she asked.

"I’m here for as long as you want me to be. There’s no rule stating that we have to file for divorce right after our three year anniversary. We can wait until you feel ready to be alone again," Angel informed her. "Take as much time as you need. We can wait until after the holiday season is over."

Buffy sniffled, burrowing herself more comfortably in his embrace. "Thank you. It means a lot to me that you’re so nice about it."

"You mean the world to me; you are the most important person in my life and I’m not about to let you suffer through this alone."

***

At eight the next morning, Angel heard the front door open and close. He looked over and saw Buffy asleep a few inches away, obviously not having heard the sound of someone entering the house. As quietly as he could, he crept out of bed to find out who it was. Walking down the stairs to the front hall, he sighed with relief when he saw the housekeeper hanging up her jacket.

"Emilia. I completely forgot you were coming by today. Good morning," he greeted.

Emilia jumped upon hearing his voice. "Señor McKenzie. I did not expect you to be home on a Thursday morning." Then she noticed her employer only wore a pair of gray sweatpants.

"Sorry. I took the day off. Buffy isn’t feeling too well this morning, we think she has the flu or something," he lied.

Her face lit up like a Christmas tree. "The baby flu? Is Señora Buffy going to have a baby soon?"

Angel sighed, but he couldn’t stop himself from smiling at the thought. "Unfortunately no, Emilia. But maybe if you cross your fingers and say a prayer…"

"I have been doing that para años, Señor."

"Well, keep it up. Anyway, I don’t want you to get sick because of Buffy, so why don’t you take the rest of the day off," he offered. "I can do the cleaning today, and I’ll even pay you for your trouble."

"All right. But let me prepare Señora breakfast before I go," Emilia said.

"No thanks, I’ve got it covered. Go home and be with your family."

Once she left, Angel went into the kitchen to make Buffy her favorite breakfast: two eggs scrambled with cheese, bacon, white toast and a glass of apple juice. When it was done cooking, he carried it upstairs on a tray so that she could enjoy breakfast in bed. As he entered the room, Buffy was just waking up.

"Morning," he said with a smile, placing the food in front of her.

"Good morning." She eyed the plate of food in front of her. "What’s this for?"

"I made you breakfast in bed," Angel told her. "I thought you’d like to be pampered a little bit more."

She grinned. "Thank you. It looks great."

"You might not think so once you actually taste it. How’d you sleep last night?"

Buffy shrugged her shoulders. "Okay, I guess. Definitely better than I would have because you were here."

"Think you might be ready to sleep by yourself tonight?"

"Maybe. We’ll see how I’m feeling later. Is that okay with you?" she wanted to know.

"It’s fine. Just let me know."

***

By the time Buffy and Angel retired to bed that night, Buffy *did* feel ready to sleep in her room alone. They went into their separate bedrooms, but she made Angel promise to keep his door open just to be safe. So he did.

After a frightening dream in which Spike came back to the house, wearing the same sadistic smile he’d worn the night before, Buffy woke up in a cold sweat. Glancing over at the clock, she sighed upon discovering it only read five past midnight. ‘The night hasn’t even begun yet. I can’t do this.’

Getting out of bed, she put on something more appropriate and made her way across the hall to Angel’s room. Luckily, the light was still on and he sat on his bed with the covers over his waist, reading a file. He looked up when he caught sight of her out of the corner of his eye; she stood in his doorway without saying a word. "What’s wrong?" he questioned. "Are you okay?"

"I had a bad dream. Do you mind if I stay in here tonight?" she asked.

"Come on in, it’s fine with me." Then he remembered he wasn’t wearing anything under the blankets. "Um, Buffy, I should probably warn you that I don’t have anything on under here. Just let me throw on some pants."

"You don’t have to, Angel. I already know you sleep naked; you told me once, remember? Besides, this is your bed, you can sleep however you like. I’m just a visitor for the night."

"I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable," he said.

Buffy shook her head. "You couldn’t make me feel uncomfortable. Ever." She slid under the blankets of his bed. "This bed is very comfy. I like it."

"Thanks."

She pointed to the file sitting on his lap. "Are you working on a big case or something?"

"Not really. Property dispute, we’ll end up settling out of court tomorrow," he informed her. He closed the manila folder and placed it on the bedside table.

"You’re going to work tomorrow? I mean today, considering it’s after midnight."

Angel noticed the hint of fear in her voice. "Only for a little while. Two, probably three hours at the most. I’m going to call your sister in the morning and have her stay with you while I’m gone. And I called the locksmith this afternoon and he’ll be stopping by sometime tomorrow to replace the locks on all the doors. I am going to make damn sure Spike never sets foot in this house again."

"Angel, you don’t have to do that," Buffy argued. "I’m only going to be living here for a few more weeks, you do not need to change the locks. I don’t want you to go to so much trouble."

"I have to. This is all my fault. Spike has a key to this house; he can come and go as he pleases. And I have to make sure he doesn’t do it again."

Buffy looked intently at him. "This isn’t your fault. Don’t say that."

"Then tell me what I’m supposed to say," Angel demanded. When she didn’t answer, he nodded. "See? I am to blame for this. I brought him into your life, as well as Faith’s. I introduced you, I gave him a key to our home, I gave him an all-access pass to you. I practically gave him an open invitation to attack you."

"Stop it."

"No. I can’t. All this is my fault. How can you even stand to look at me knowing what I’ve done to you?"

Once again, Buffy didn’t answer him. She gently touched her hand to his right cheek, turning his head so that he faced her. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and brought her lips to his. The two met in a slow, sensual kiss that Angel wasted little time responding to. To him, it was a dream come true; kissing her in his bed, no barriers between him and his love except a thin button-down blouse that could be removed in less than ten seconds in necessary. He sat up in a better position, and Buffy moved closer to him.

"Angel?"

"Yes?"

"There’s something I have to tell you. I’ve never…" She was about to tell him she’d never made love to a man before; that she wanted her first time to be with the man she loved. Looking into his soulful brown eyes, Buffy’s heart told her it was him. She loved Angel. "Forget it."

He brushed a stray hair from her face. "It’s okay. I know you’re still a virgin."

"How?" Her biggest fear was that Faith or one of her friends had told him.

"You had that slumber party right after we got married. I found out then. We don’t have to go through with this if you don’t want to. I know you wanted to share it with someone you love," Angel said.

Buffy cupped his cheek in her hand. "I’m going to. I love you, Angel."

Hearing her declaration of love, his heart soared with joy. "I’m in love with you, too."

***

They calmed down and did their best to catch their breath after their passionate lovemaking. Angel rolled off of her, facing her from the right side. "Are you okay?" he wanted to know.

As if in a daze, Buffy nodded her head. "I’m fine. Pleasantly numb." She paused. "You and I…we just made love, right?"

"Yes, we did."

Buffy rolled on her side to gaze into his eyes. "That was the best thing I’ve ever done in my life."

"It gets better," he said, teasing in his voice.

"Does it? It gets better than that?" She placed her hand on the back of his head and met his lips in a kiss.

"Buffy, what are you doing?" He was shocked by her wanton behavior.

"I want to make love to you again."

"Aren’t you tired?"

She shook her head, tossing her leg over his hip. "Nope."

Angel scooped her into his arms and they made love until they could no longer keep their eyes open.

***

With a tired moan, Angel awoke the following morning. He felt exhausted from the night’s events, but for him it was a pleasant kind of tired. Never before in his life had he been so sated by a woman, not even by Darla in their year together. And the young woman sleeping in his embrace was the reason for it. Just looking over at her made him come alive with want and desire.

Buffy had been everything he could have possibly asked for and more. She was a living example of contradictions throughout their lovemaking: soft yet hard, innocent yet wanton, yielding yet domineering. During their second bout of lovemaking, she became voracious, ready and willing to try things that would normally make a virgin blush. She caught on quickly and drove him to the brink of insanity with her experimentation. By the time she finally fell asleep, Angel had lost all feeling below his waist. Not that he minded in the least.

As much as he wanted to lay in bed with her – and hopefully engage in another round of lovemaking – Angel had to get up for work. Slowly and silently, he worked his way out of bed without disturbing her. Grabbing a clean suit from his closet, he walked to the other end of the hall to shower in Dawn’s bathroom. He did not want to wake Buffy, she needed her sleep. No doubt she was just as exhausted as him.

After a quick shower, he dressed and checked in on her. Glancing at the alarm clock next to his bed, Angel knew he had to get going; he didn’t even have time to make himself breakfast. Rather than wake his sleeping love, he wrote her a note and left it on the pillow where he had been resting his head only fifteen minutes before. Bending down, he planted a soft kiss on her left cheek.

"I love you," he whispered before leaving.

***

"Good morning, Jenny," Angel greeted happily when he walked past his secretary’s desk.

She lifted her eyebrows curiously. It had been a long time since she’d seen her boss so pleasant in the morning. "Morning, Mr. McKenzie. You’re awfully cheery this morning. Is your wife feeling better?"

"Everything’s perfect. My life couldn’t be better. Hell, I couldn’t ask for more."

"I’m going to take that as a yes. Is Buffy pregnant or something?" she wanted to know. The only reason she could think of for his chipper mood was that his beloved wife was expecting a child.

Angel shook his head. "Nope. Well, not yet anyway."

"Ah, I see. You’re practicing."

"Something like that. I don’t want any interruptions until my client arrives at ten o’clock. But if my wife happens to call, put her right through," Angel told his secretary before entering his office.

***

Buffy rolled over and extended her right arm over to where Angel was sleeping. But instead, her hand came in contact with a cold mattress rather than a warm body. Opening her eyes, she looked over and found that she was alone in Angel’s bed. ‘What the…Where’s Angel?’ she thought. She sat up, covering her nakedness with a thin bed sheet.

"Angel?" she called. ‘Maybe he’s in the bathroom.’ She climbed out of bed, clutching the sheet to her body and headed into the adjoining bathroom between their bedrooms. But the room was empty, as was her bedroom. "Angel!?"

Still, there was no answer. Walking back to Angel’s bedroom, she saw a piece of paper sitting on his pillow. With interest, she picked it up and read it over.

DEAREST BUFFY,

I’M SORRY I COULDN’T BE THERE THIS MORNING WHEN YOU WOKE UP. I HAD THAT MEETING THIS MORNING OR ELSE I WOULD HAVE BEEN THERE NEXT TO YOU. WORDS CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN US LAST NIGHT. OBVIOUSLY WE’RE GOING TO HAVE TO TALK ABOUT WHAT IT MEANT AND WHERE WE GO FROM HERE WHEN I RETURN HOME TODAY.

LOVE,

ANGEL

Buffy shook her head when she finished reading her husband’s note. "Good god, what have I done?"

***

Faith used her key to enter her sister’s home. She’d received a phone call at nine in the morning from Angel asking her to spend the day at the house with Buffy. He neglected to give her the specifics, telling her if she wanted to know the reason why she’d have to ask her sister. Without arguing, she agreed to stop by after she showered and ate breakfast.

"B? You around here somewhere?" she asked.

"I’m in the kitchen, Faith," Buffy answered.

The brunette made her way into the kitchen and found her sister bending down into the refrigerator, reaching for two cans of Pepsi. "What’s going on here, Buffy? Why did Angel insist I come over here?" When her adopted sister stood up and faced her, Faith’s jaw dropped. "Holy shit! What the hell happened to you?"

"A black eye."

"Yeah, I can see that. How did it get there? Did Angel do that to you? Because if he did, I will kill him with my bare hands," she threatened. "And you know I’ll do it, I’ve done it before."

Buffy shook her head, a pang of sadness coursing through her veins at the mention of her husband’s name. "It wasn’t him, Faith. Angel never laid a hand on me in anger. He didn’t do this, Spike did."

"Spike gave you that shiner? You’ve got to be kidding me."

"It’s true. He came by the day before yesterday while Angel was at the office. And he–" Buffy choked back the tears she felt forming. "Faith, he tried to rape me."

"What? Oh my god, Buff, I’m so sorry. I had no idea." She ran over to her sister and hugged her with all her might. "I never would have gotten involved with him if I knew he was a rapist."

Buffy let go. "You couldn’t have known he’d do this. Angel didn’t even know, and they were best friends. If he hadn’t come home when he did, Spike would have gone through with it."

"Thank god Angel was here."

"Yeah."

Faith knew her sister better than anyone, and she knew something else had happened since Wednesday. "Spill it, B. I know something else went down. Tell me."

"You’re right, something else *did* happen. I spent the whole day yesterday with Angel; he took the day off and did his best to comfort me. Last night I had a bad dream, I dreamt that Spike came back and tried to attack me again. Angel had told me I could come into his room if I got scared, so I did. We started talking and he blamed himself for what happened to me. Then we began kissing each other and then…then we made love."

Faith couldn’t believe what she was hearing. "You and Angel slept together?"

"Yes." Buffy blinked away her tears. "I finally did it; I finally let a man touch me in ways no one has ever touched me. I’m not the oldest living virgin on the planet anymore."

"Way to go, B."

"No. I was a fool, Faith. Look at this." She showed her sister the note Angel left for her. "He wrote this and I woke up next to this piece of paper instead of my husband."

She read it over. "So? It’s a nice note. He apologized for going to work and leaving you alone. I think it’s sweet of him." ‘I cannot believe Buffy did it. It’s about damn time they finally slept together. It only took three years.’

"You think it’s sweet? Did you read the last line? He wants to talk about it. Which means he doesn’t want it to happen again. We broke the one sacred rule of our marriage – it was supposed to be in name-only. Sex only complicates things and Angel and I complicated it last night." Buffy sat down and put her head in her hands. Faith took a seat next to her. "I even told him I loved him."

"You did *what*?"

"Yep. It only took me three years to realize it, but I finally said it. And Angel said it back. He said he loved me, Faith. But tonight he’s gonna take it back."

Faith sighed. "You don’t know that for a fact."

"Yes I do. I can read between the lines, and he might as well have wrote it in the note."

"Buffy, listen to me. Angel loves you. Anyone with two eyes can see it."

"No. He’s going to come home tonight and tell me what a mistake it was. I don’t want to hear him say it. It’ll hurt way too much. So I won’t let him say it."

She gazed at her sister. "How are you planning to do that? Keep him from saying it, that is."

"I’m gonna say it first."

‘Don’t do it, B. You’ll only end up hurting yourself. And Angel, too.’ But she knew nothing she could say would change her sister’s mind.

***

It was dinnertime before Angel returned home from the office. He hadn’t meant to spend so much time there, but it couldn’t be helped. The entire time he sat in the conference room with his client and opposing council, all Angel could think about was being home with his wife. The hours dragged by unbearably and he sighed with relief when he walked through the back door of his home.

Upon entering, his nose was assaulted by the scent of roasting chicken. It smelled delicious and Angel took a big sniff. "Mmm…" he moaned.

In the kitchen, Buffy heard him enter. ‘Oh god oh god oh god,’ she thought as she poured the rice into the saucepan of boiling water. ‘I don’t want to do this but I have to.’ She’d spent a good portion of the day thinking up what she’d say to him.

"It smells great in here. I can’t wait to eat," Angel said when he stepped into the kitchen. He found his wife standing in front of the counter with her back to him. "Hey. I missed you all day today," he told her, putting his hands on her shoulders.

Buffy closed her eyes and bit her lip when she felt his lips kissing the top of her head. ‘Please, Angel, don’t do this to me. Don’t tease me by giving me hope.’ "Hi. I thought you were going to be home early today. It’s nearly five."

"I tried, believe me I did. But my client refused to meet any of the other lawyer’s demands. Negotiations ran longer than anticipated. I’m really sorry. I wanted to be home with you, really I did." He looked around the room. "Isn’t Faith here? I called her this morning and asked her to spend the day with you so you wouldn’t be alone."

"She came by but I sent her home at three. After the locksmith left I told her she could leave. I felt safe enough, knowing Spike couldn’t get in here."

"That’s good at least. How are you feeling?" he wanted to know.

She shrugged her shoulders, stirring the rice. "I’ve been better."

"I know. I’m sure it will take some time for you to feel a hundred percent again. And you know I’ll be here for you every step of the way to help you through it."

"Thanks. Look, dinner won’t be ready for another five or ten minutes, so you’ve got time to get out of that stuffy suit you’re wearing," Buffy informed him. She noticed the way the suit fell on him, but couldn’t help remembering how he looked without anything on. ‘Stop it, Buff. Don’t do this to yourself.’

"Alright. I’ll be back down in a few minutes. Call me if you need anything."

"I think I’ll be fine for a couple minutes alone. You don’t have to worry about me."

"I do worry." Then he left the room and went into his bedroom to change into something more comfortable for lounging around the house in.

When Angel had left the kitchen, Buffy glanced at her reflection in a nearby mirror. What she saw scared her. ‘How can I even expect Angel to mean what he said last night? God, I’m hideous. There’s no way he could possibly be in love with me.’

She absent-mindedly took the chicken out of the oven and put a piece on each other their plates. By that time the rice was finished cooking and she scooped a healthy portion on Angel’s plate, but only a little on hers. She was still stressed-out and didn’t have much of an appetite. And doubted she would for a while.

"It looks even better than it smells. I can’t wait to taste it," her husband commented, making his presence known.

"Jump right in."

They sat down, Angel taking his usual seat to Buffy’s right. Neither of them said anything for several minutes; both were working up the nerve to say what they wanted to say to the other. Finally, halfway through the meal, they spoke at the same time.

"Angel, we need to talk," Buffy said.

"Buffy, we should talk."

The two looked at each other and laughed. "Why don’t you go first, Buffy," Angel suggested. "I can wait until you’re done."

She nodded and took a deep breath. "Okay. I really don’t know how to say this other than just coming out and saying it. What happened between us last night, well, it was amazing."

"That it was," he agreed.

"And I’ve been thinking about it all day today. While I don’t regret it, I think it was a mistake. I needed someone and you were there for me. And I appreciate you being here for me in my time of need."

Angel felt like he’d been kicked in the stomach and had the wind knocked out of him. "A mistake," he repeated.

"Yes. I came on to you like…well, I don’t want to say a hooker, but I can’t think of a better word. I practically threw myself at you. I’m not saying you took advantage of me, because I was more than willing. Hell, I wanted it. And I know you did not want to break our agreement by sleeping with me, and I know why you did it. Angel, you were just trying to comfort me. And trust me, you did a great job of it; for the entire time we were…you know, I didn’t once think about what happened to me on Wednesday. I have you to thank for that, which is why I don’t regret it. Even though you probably do."

"Buffy–" Angel interrupted.

She shook her head. "Don’t. Let me get this out before I lose my nerve. I want you to know I don’t hold you to anything you said to me last night. We said things we didn’t mean in the heat of passion. I know you don’t love me any more than I love you," she lied. ‘But I do love you.’

"Is that why you said it? In the heat of the moment?" he asked. He wanted to tell her he had meant every word he said to her, but he knew what was going on. Angel was being rejected by the woman he loved. Again.

"Yes." Buffy did her best to hold her tears in. "I just wanted you to know I feel the same way you do."

"You think that’s how I feel?"

Buffy nodded. "Yes. I read your note when I woke up this morning and I thought it over and came the same conclusion you did."

"Buffy, I didn’t–"

"You don’t have to lie to me to protect my feelings. I’m a big girl and I can take it. I never really thought you loved me anyway." ‘How could you?’

"If that’s how you feel…"

"It is."

Angel didn’t reply to her. He looked down in his lap, where he held the black velvet box containing the engagement ring he had planned on giving her during dinner. ‘I was a fool for thinking she might actually love me back.’ With a shaking hand, he put it back in his pocket.

***

After dinner, Angel had gone to his study to be alone. Buffy’s rejection was more than he could handle. The last thing he wanted her to see was how devastated he was by her words. He tried to concentrate on his new case but he couldn’t. The words blurred on the pages, nothing sinking in, though he tried to get his mind off of Buffy. All he could think about was how he lost everything. And he’d been sitting there for six hours pondering it.

The ring still sat inside the box from the jeweler’s; he had it on the edge of the desk. Picking it up, Angel stared at it. He tried to imagine it on Buffy’s finger, how beautiful it would look on her tiny ring finger, and how happy he’d be when she said yes to his marriage proposal.

"How can this be happening?" he asked out loud. "I thought tonight would be perfect, especially after last night. Buffy wants nothing to do with me. How could I have misread her intentions? She thinks me making love to her was a mistake. But it wasn’t. I would never in a million years think that."

Picking up the ring, he read the words he’d had inscribed on the inside of it that very afternoon. "Wife, Lover, Best Friend," he read. "All My Love Forever, Angel." He placed it back on the box, closed the cover and put it inside his desk drawer. "I won’t give up. I have until after the holidays to change Buffy’s mind."

Yawning, he headed up the stairs to his bedroom. He paused at Buffy’s bedroom door, hearing her voice cry out in her sleep. Angel pushed the door open and saw her thrashing around the bed, crying out.

"Get away! No! Stop it, Spike!" she yelled. "Help me, Angel. Please…"

Angel sat down on the bed and softly called her name, hoping it would penetrate through her nightmare. "Buffy, wake up. Buffy."

Opening her eyes, she found Angel sitting next to her. "What’s going on? What are you doing in here, Angel?"

"I heard you from the hallway. You were having a nightmare, I think. I came in to see if you were okay. Are you, Buffy?"

"I’m fine. I dreamt that Spike came back."

"He’s not coming back. We changed the locks, remember? Do you want me to stay in here with you tonight? You might feel better or safer or something," he offered.

"No!" Buffy exclaimed. "I mean, no thanks. I’ll be fine on my own." It wasn’t that Buffy didn’t want him to spend the night with her, but she was afraid of what would happen. She knew if she let him stay, she’d end up hurting herself all over again. Buffy wasn’t sure she could control herself if he was so close to her.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. Just go to bed."

Angel wasn’t convinced by her words, but abided by them. "I’ll leave my door open for you if you want some company. Just come on in like you did last night." Angel hoped she would take it to mean he wanted her there with him; that he didn’t think what she thought he did.

"Good night."

"Night."

He exited her room and went into his. Without changing out of his jeans and shirt, Angel laid down on his bed and cried himself to sleep for the first time since he was seven years old.

***

The following weeks proved to be awkward for both Buffy and Angel. Neither of them broached the subject of their night together for obvious reasons – they both believed the other thought it a mistake. As per their agreement the night of Spike’s attack on Buffy, they waited until after the holidays were over before filing for legal separation, and then divorce. While Buffy planned her future without her husband in the days leading up to it, Angel searched for a way to win her love before it was too late.

Over Christmas break, Dawn returned home from college. She noticed something was off between her sister and brother-in-law, but did not bring it up, figuring Buffy would tell her if something was wrong. And the night before she left for New York, it happened.

"Dawnie, can we talk?" Buffy asked, entering her sister’s bedroom.

"Sure. Oh geez, you’re wearing ‘something face,’ Dawn noted. "What’s going on? And don’t you dare say nothing because I can tell there’s something big going down. You and Angel have been acting wacky the last three weeks I’ve been here."

She nodded her head. It was the moment of truth, the day she’d finally tell her younger sister everything. "I think maybe you’d better sit down for this."

Dawn did as she was told. "Is it Faith? She’s okay, isn’t she?"

"Faith is fine. This is about me." Buffy sat down next to her on the bed. "This coming Friday, Angel and I are getting divorced. Or, filing for it at least."

The younger Summers sister sat in silence for a few moments before saying anything in response. "Divorced?"

"Well, we’re filing for legal separation first. And I am moving back into the house with Faith that day. I’ve started packing up some of your belongings and putting them in your old room."

"I don’t understand. I thought you were happy here," she commented.

Buffy frowned, looking at the floor. "I have been happy, very happy. It’s been the happiest three years of my life. But Angel and I decided it’s time to go our separate ways. The last two months have been…awkward to say the least. He and I have just grown apart rather than together."

"Don’t you love Angel?"

"That’s not the point, Dawn."

"I think it is. The poor guy deserves to know if he has a fighting chance with you. If you love him, you can make your so-called marriage work."

She lifted her head, gazing at her younger sister. "What do you mean by ‘so-called marriage’?"

"I’m not stupid, Buffy. Maybe when I was fifteen I fell for it, but I’m eighteen now and I know about the real world. And a married couple deeply in love with one another doesn’t sleep in separate bedrooms."

"You knew this whole time?" Buffy wanted to know.

Dawn shook her head. "No. Not the whole time. About six months before I left for NYU, I got up for a drink of water around two in the morning and Angel was coming up the stairs. He looked really tired so I decided to wait until after he went into your room because I knew he’d want to talk. I waited, and I saw him go into the spare bedroom. I didn’t think much of it and got my water; I thought he’d left something there. When I came back upstairs a few minutes later, I checked the spare room and low and behold, Angel was fast asleep.

"At first I thought you two had had a fight or something. I checked it night after night after night. Something was definitely up and I knew it. Faith absolutely refused to tell me anything when I questioned her; she told me to ask you. And I’m going to do that now. Why? Why were you pretending to be married to Angel? Why are you sleeping in separate bedrooms?"

"We aren’t pretending to be married. By law, he and I are husband and wife."

"Yeah, I know that. I was there, remember? Fine then, let me ask a better question. If you and Angel weren’t in love, why did you get married in the first place?" Dawn paused. "It wasn’t because of me, was it? Because of the way I was acting after Mom and Dad died?"

Buffy sighed heavily. "I did it for you and Faith, not for me. Faith needed a lawyer and you needed a stable home life, and I couldn’t give either of you what you needed. I felt so helpless for not being the best sister and provider for my family. After Faith got arrested, she told me how much she hated her lawyer and asked me to find her another one; one who wanted what she wanted.

"I remembered Angel from a lecture he gave in one of my classes the year before. So I stopped by his office and asked for his help with Faith’s case." Buffy laughed softly. "I practically begged him to take the case. And he agreed under one condition – that I marry him. See, his uncle died a few weeks prior to that and left him a large sum of money in his will if Angel married by the age of thirty-one and stayed married for three years. He knew I couldn’t afford to pay for his services, so he offered me the trade-off: I marry him for those three years in name-only so he could get his inheritance, and he would defend Faith for murder. It was a win-win situation for both of us."

"Let me guess. Now that the three years is up, you two are ready to move on. But I don’t get why you waited until now. Why not file for legal separation right after your anniversary?"

"We were going to. On our three year anniversary, Spike came to the house and attacked me. I guess he and Angel had some unresolved issues and Spike decided to get back at Angel by trying to force himself on me," Buffy admitted. She hated thinking about it, much less talking about it.

Dawn gaped at her in shock and dismay. "He tried to rape you? Oh my god, Buffy. Are you okay?"

"I’m fine now. Angel got home in time and managed to stop him before he did any major damage. I just had a black eye and some nightmares for a couple weeks. Angel was a huge comfort to me the days after it happened." Buffy didn’t want to reveal to her sister that she and Angel ended up sleeping together the next night. "So we agreed to wait until after the holidays before ending the marriage. It gave me some time to heal."

"Have you talked things through with him? I mean, is this what you both really want?" questioned the eighteen-year-old.

"Of course it is. It’s what he and I agreed on."

"I know that. But I think poor Angel deserves to know the truth. He should know that you love him."

Buffy widened her eyes at her sister’s statement. "Excuse me? Where did you hear that? I never said anything about being in love with him."

"You didn’t have to say it, it’s written all over your face. Buffy, you get this far-off look in your eyes whenever you talk about him, you smile whenever you say his name. Why won’t you admit it? Tell him you love him."

"No. I won’t. I *can’t.* I am not going to make a fool out of myself." ‘Not like the last time,’ she thought.

"Who says you’ll make a fool of yourself?"

"Angel doesn’t love me, Dawn. If I tell him that I love him, he’s going to think I want to stay married to him for the money; that I’m trying to cling to him," Buffy explained.

Dawn shook her head, sighing at her sister’s stubbornness. "He won’t think that. Trust me on this. Haven’t you seen him look at you? God, he looks at you the same way Dad used to look at Mom. With total love in his eyes."

"You’re seeing things."

"Then prove me wrong. Ask him."

"I don’t have to. Look, I only came in here to tell you the truth about my marriage and what’s to come, not discuss my lack of a love life. I hope you don’t hold it against me for not telling you sooner."

She smiled. "You had your reasons. But I wish you’d tell Angel how you feel. If you don’t, you’ll end up breaking his heart and yours as well."

"I’ve lived with a broken heart before, I think I can survive it." She stood up and was immediately overcome with dizziness.

Dawn noticed her sister wobbling. "Are you okay, Buffy?"

"Yeah. I stood up too quickly. I think I’m going to lay down for a little while. I haven’t been feeling that great lately."

"You’ve been doing that a lot lately. Laying down, that is."

"I’ve been under a lot of stress these past few days. It’s finally catching up with me."

"You should go to the doctor, you might be coming down with the flu or something. Dizziness, sleeping, nausea…you know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d swear you were pregnant. You’ve got all the classic symptoms. But that’s not possible. It’s the flu, I bet," Dawn mused.

***

Friday morning came around much too quickly for both Buffy and Angel. Neither of them felt prepared for what would happen; it was a turning point in both their lives. It signified the end of their marriage and the beginning of their futures.

Angel sat silently in the kitchen when Buffy walked in, dressed in a terrycloth robe and slippers. "Morning," he greeted her.

She turned around, her skin becoming pale when she laid eyes on her husband. "I didn’t know you were down here. I thought you would have left to see your lawyer by now."

"My appointment isn’t for another hour. Besides, Lindsey’s never been on time a day in his life. I could show up an hour late and it wouldn’t throw him off his schedule whatsoever."

"Oh. Well, I’m just gonna grab a glass of orange juice and finish packing up my things. I should be gone before you get back," Buffy told him.

"There’s no hurry, Buffy. You can stay as long as you want." ‘Stay forever if you want to,’ Angel thought.

She shook her head. "That’s really kind of you, Angel, but you don’t have to worry. I’ll be out of your hair in another two hours. Then we can put these last three years behind us."

"I don’t want you to think I’m kicking you out. I’m not. This is your home, I’m not forcing you to leave."

Buffy poured herself a glass of juice and took a sip. "I don’t think that. I know you’re going out of your way to make this transition as easy as possible, and I really appreciate it. But I’m sure you are anxious to get your freedom back."

"Not really," he admitted honestly. "I’ve loved being married to you these past three years."

"It hasn’t been all bad. Married life has been great up through the last few months."

"I wouldn’t trade a minute of it. I’m glad you walked into my office that day, Buffy. You changed my life forever. And I am a much better person because of you."

"So am I." She placed her glass in the dishwasher. "I guess I’ll see you soon."

As she headed out of the room, Angel called out to her. "Buffy." She looked at him. "I am going to miss this. Not seeing you every day is going to be so hard."

Buffy smiled softly at him. "I know. But we’ll move on. Goodbye, Angel."

"Goodbye, Buffy."

He sat staring into his cup of coffee, berating himself for not telling Buffy how he felt. And he never saw the tears in her green eyes as she left the room.

***

Angel pulled into the parking lot of his law firm with ten minutes to spare before his appointment with the divorce lawyer. He used the time to collect his thoughts and ponder why he couldn’t win over the woman he loved. After spending two months trying his best to prove his love to Buffy, nothing had worked. Flowers, candy, dinners; nothing convinced her of his true feelings. ‘What did I do wrong? I did everything short of screaming it for the whole world to hear how much I’m in love with her.’

Nervousness, fear, or possibly a combination of both led Angel to fiddle with the buttons on his car radio. He stopped on 96.5 just as a song was starting. Angel listened to the words.

// No I can’t forget this evening or your face as you were leaving

But I guess that’s just the way the story goes

You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows

Yes it shows

No I can’t forget tomorrow when I think of all my sorrow

When I had you there but then I let you go

And now it’s only fair that I should let you know

What you should know

I can’t live if living is without you

I can’t live, I can’t give anymore

I can’t live if living is without you

I can’t give, I can’t give anymore \\

The words hit closer to home than he ever thought possible. It was as if it were a sign, telling him to go back and pour out his heart and soul to Buffy, regardless of the consequences. He may suffer a broken heart, but at least he would have fought for the woman he loved.

Casting his eyes to the building in front of him, Angel exhaled a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. Putting the car in reverse, he sped back to the house, hoping against all hope that Buffy would still be there.

***

Splashing cool water on her face, Buffy stared at herself in the mirror inside the bathroom. "Calm down, Buffy, you’ll get through this. You’ve lived through worse. Oh god, how am I supposed to get through this? Especially alone."

She could hear the radio from inside her bedroom. The song playing was a sad one, but it fit her mood perfectly. The songwriter might have had that particular moment in mind when he wrote it.

// Well I can’t forget this evening or your face as you were leaving

But I guess that’s just the way the story goes

You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows

Yes it shows

I can’t live if living is without you

I can’t live, I can’t give anymore

I can’t live if living is without you

I can’t give, I can’t give anymore

I can’t live if living is without you

I can’t live, I can’t give anymore \\

Walking back in her room, Buffy turned the radio off in aggravation. The last thing she wanted to hear was a depressing love song reminding her of how she had absolutely no chance of being with the man she truly loved. With a trembling hand, she removed her engagement and wedding rings, placing them on the bedside table. "Goodbye, my Angel. I’ll never stop loving you."

***

Angel burst through the front door, hoping he’d made it home in time. Buffy’s car still sat in the driveway, so he had reason to believe she hadn’t left yet. He bounded up the stairs toward her bedroom, yelling her name over and over again. "Buffy! Buffy!"

She heard his shouting and walked into the hallway to find out what was going on. "Angel? What’s wrong?"

He never replied to her, pulling her into his arms instead and capturing her lips with his. Angel poured his heart and soul into the kiss, leaving Buffy weak in the knees when it was over. They stared into each other’s eyes for a long time before Buffy finally spoke.

"What’s going on? Is something wrong?" she asked. The kiss took her by surprise; it was the last thing she ever expected from him.

Angel shook his head, his lips curling into a smile. "Nothing’s wrong. In fact, everything is right." He grabbed her hands and led her into her bedroom.

"Angel! Would you kindly explain to me what’s going on? You’re supposed to be meeting with Lindsey right now about filing for divorce. Why are you here?" Buffy demanded.

"Because there is something you need to know; something I’ve been holding in for far too long, Buffy. You deserve to know the truth."

She raised her eyebrows. "Truth? What truth are you talking about?"

"The truth about me and how I feel. Look, I’m not very good at expressing my feelings; I’m one of those people who keeps things bottled in. But if I don’t say this, I might lose the most important person in my life. You, Buffy. And at this point in time, I don’t know how to live without you, nor do I want to.

"I can’t think of any other way of saying it except to just come right out and say it. Usually I’m good with words, but you always manage to leave me tongue-tied. Anyway, here goes. I love you. I’ve loved you for years and I’ll continue to do so for the rest of my natural life. The night we made love, I meant every single word I said to you.

"I don’t know where you got the idea that I regret that night, but you are wrong. Dead wrong. That night meant everything in the world to me, just like you do. And the thought of spending the rest of my life without you is frightening. I want to spend my life making you happy, not being miserable without you."

Angel reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring he had planned on returning that afternoon after his meeting. "This isn’t how I wanted to do this. I had more of a romantic setting in mind, but circumstances beyond my control kept it from happening. Believe it or not, I planned on doing this the night Spike attacked you, then again the day after we made love. Nothing is going to stop me this time."

He took a deep breath. "I love you, Buffy Anne Summers. I want to fall asleep next to you every night and wake up next to you every morning." Getting down on one knee, Angel showed her the engagement ring he held in his hand. "I would be the happiest man in the world if you’d marry me for real."

Buffy gaped at him, seeing for the first time the love radiating from his brown eyes. ‘They were right. Faith and Dawn saw it but I never could. How could I have been so blind?’ "I’m so sorry, Angel."

"You’re saying no," he deduced.

When he started to stand up, Buffy stopped him. "That’s not what I’m saying. I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting. I only said I didn’t love you because I thought that’s what you wanted to hear. Angel, I meant it when I said I loved you. And yes, I will marry you for real. There’s nothing I want more than to be your wife. Again. Or still. Or…just yes! Yes, I want to marry you!"

Angel placed the ring on its rightful finger, lifting his wife into his arms for another kiss. "This time we’re going to have a real wedding. In a church with flowers and music and our family and friends. I’ll make this the wedding of your dreams."

Buffy touched his cheek with her palm. "I know you will."

"We should call everyone and tell them the good news."

"It can wait a little while. There is something I need to tell you first. Angel, I’m late."

He shrugged his shoulders. "So what? Whatever it is, you can be late for it. This is more important than some meeting or a flight or whatever you’re late for," he told her.

"That’s not the kind of late I mean." Buffy went into the bathroom, returning ten seconds later with a white stick in her hand. "This kind of late."

Angel stared at it. "That is…that’s a pregnancy test, isn’t it?"

Buffy nodded her head. "Uh-huh. And it’s positive."

"You’re pregnant."

"I have to go to the doctor to be sure, but yeah, I think I am. According to Dawn, I have all the classic symptoms. And if I am, I’m two months along."

"We’re gonna have a baby," Angel stated.

"More than likely."

He bit his lip and closed his eyes. Never before in his life had he felt so complete. "I love you, Buffy. I should have said it a long time ago. And I can’t wait to have children with you. I’ll be a great father."

"I know you will; I’ve already seen it by the way you were with Dawn. Now come on, let’s celebrate our official engagement."

THE END

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