SCRIBES OF ANGEL
FanFic
________________________________
DISCLAIMER: Okay, obviously anything you
recognize, I don't own. Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, Angel, and all related characters, etc. don’t
belong to me.
DISTRIBUTION: If you have any of my stories,
fine. Otherwise, just ask, please. All of my stories can be found at http://www.ficgoddess.com/fanfic/cynamin
CONTENT: B/A, angst
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Okay, I’m trying for something
very different here. You’ll definitely have to tell me how it has turned out
(especially considering the relative lack of dialogue as dictated by the plot).
The setting is the very distant future – like I don’t know when now is compared
to then future. Centuries from now, definitely. If anyone is wondering why it’s
not very sci-fi-ish, remember that this story takes place in the bottom rungs
of society. This idea came from compiling Buffy vampire information and
remembering that the oldest vampires we’ve seen (The Master, Kakistos) no
longer looked entirely human.
SPOILERS: Anything and everything is fair
game, but nothing specific. As I’m writing this, I have not yet seen the season
5/2 finales.
FEEDBACK: As my elementary school P.E.
teacher said, “Questions, comments, criticisms or snide remarks?”
In the depths of the
shadows, in the tiny spaces between the buildings where only the lowest of humans
walked, a battle had raged only moments before. It wasn’t a major battle; it
was not the first such of the night nor would it be the last. Its like had been
seen many times before, in nights stretching before the memory of all living
things and most of the undead’s. No great victory was accomplished. Just a
couple more demons that preyed on those living on the permanent twilight
streets would not be around to take another life.
This battle was over,
though, and as he took a bare moment’s rest Angel took little notice of the
fine sheen of vampire dust that coated him. He did not wipe it off of his
misshapen brow, nor did he feel any sense of victory as he automatically
cleaned his weapons of demon remains. He paused for just a moment, sitting in
the shadows, uncertain as to what he was doing and where he was going next.
Uncertain on a level even as to who and what he was.
Old. Nothing should be this
old.
Angel paused for a second
in wiping his axe’s blade. He shivered, though he didn’t feel cold. Never had,
not since…. Never. This was something else. There was something in the air.
Something that was almost familiar if he could just truly pause long enough to
figure out what it was. One thing was certain: change was coming.
Whether the change was good
or bad, he didn’t know. Change was more often bad than good anyway. Change was
to be avoided. He turned his attention away from the feeling and back to his
task. With a hand more closely resembling a claw, he wiped at the blade again
until it was clean. He paused again, looking at that hand as if seeing it for
the first time, even though it had been that way…for a long time.
No, change wasn’t good at
all.
He bunched the rag up in
his fist for a moment. When Angel frowned, he could feel the sharpness of his
fangs against his inner lip. They never went away, now. That had been one of
the first changes.
He threw the rag away
violently as he stood. The axe back under his cloak, he moved on, keeping to
the shadows like the things he killed. He couldn’t go elsewhere anymore. The
time for that was over. He’d seen enough fear reflected in the eyes of others
to know that. He didn’t need to see himself in a mirror to know. The monster
inside left its mark.
Keeping to the shadows, he
sought the demons once again. He couldn’t fight his own demon, but he could
fight others. It didn’t matter anymore that he usually didn’t remember why he
fought. It’s what he did. All that was left to do.
A sharp gnaw of hunger
distracted him, further reminding him of just what he was, should he ever truly
forget. He needed to feed. He needed to stop fighting for the night and get
blood to fight back the hunger once again. For a little while.
There wasn’t redemption
anymore for one such as him.
Monster.
Of all the mysteries in her
life, this one was the biggest.
How the hell did she get
here? And where was this anyway?
In time she came to realize
that it wasn’t ‘where’ that was the question. It was ‘when.’ Because either
she’d stepped into a whole other world when she woke up that one morning, or
this was still her home in the far, far future. She honestly still wasn’t sure
which it was. All her attempts at finding out had been useless – she couldn’t
even figure out how to compare the calendar. Maybe, in the levels above – the
towering heights of the city, connected by bridges, places the sun still
touched – there was someone who could tell her. But she’d woken up in the
alley, in the places in between – the bottom – and no one up there would open
their doors to a bottom dweller. She’d learned that the hard way.
Safe to say she didn’t have
any further clue as to how she got there, either. She just knew that was where
or when she was, and there was no going back that she could find. She had to
make the most of it.
So that’s what she did. She
was still the Slayer, no matter what time or place this was. She slayed.
In her own time and place,
she was Buffy Anne Summers. Here, she was just Slayer. And there were plenty of
demons to kill.
She made her way from one
region of the city to the next, rarely staying in one place too long, rarely
resting from her fighting. Her attire had changed. She no longer even knew what
the fashions were, so how was she supposed to stay up to date? Instead, she
wore all black – simple jumpsuit and jacket. It was functional, and it kept her
hidden when she wanted to be. The demons even came out in the daytime, here.
There were nearly always enough shadows to keep them safe and unnoticed. So
Buffy used that to her advantage, too. They hid in the shadows; she hunted them
on their own ground.
With her change in attire
had gone Buffy’s choice of weapon. It was too hard to get actual wood, and she
often lost stakes as a vampire turned to dust. So, no wooden stakes. She wore a
sword strapped to her back. A bit medieval even for her home time, it was oddly
not looked at twice here. No one dared look twice at anything in the lower
levels.
She made her way across the
endless city, occasionally trading in favors from the ones she saved for a bit
of money, food, or a place to stay. She never stressed their hospitality too
long, though. She felt better on the move.
Tonight, Buffy was looking
to settle down for a bit again. She was tired; she needed food and a place to
rest. Sometimes she could find a place that would pay her for a short while,
somewhere that wanted protection for (or from) its customers. Easy work, short
term. That’s what she wanted.
Knowing the impossibility
of keeping a low profile as a small woman with a big sword, Buffy made no
effort to keep her appearance quiet. She followed a boisterous group into what
seemed to be an active, lively – if more than a bit seedy – bar. “The
Underground” the sign over the door read. She strode in confidently, allowing
her very walk to show she knew what she was doing with a sword, and sat herself
down at the bar stool.
“Hey!” she cried, getting
the bar tender’s attention.
He looked at her a bit
patronizingly. “You old enough to drink?” he asked sharply.
Buffy glared at him. “You
gonna tell me otherwise?”
The man held up his hands
in surrender. “You’re feisty, kid. What’ll it be?” He was a short, round man –
reminded her a bit of a fat version of Willy. Buffy winced at her own sense of
nostalgia. She was really homesick if she was missing Willy!
Buffy did not let her glare
diminish. “It’s Slayer, not kid,” she snapped back. “And information.”
“I’ve heard of you,” the
bar tender said, grudgingly impressed. “Thought you’d be bigger, keeping all
those demons on the run.”
“Everyone always says
that,” she retorted.
“Still,” he added, only a
touch regretfully, “no information unless you order something.”
“Fine,” Buffy gave in. She
slid some money across the bar. “Whatever you’ve got.”
He gave her a glass of
clear liquid that Buffy made no move to drink. “It’s good,” the bar tender
promised.
“I’m sure, but I told you
I’m not here for drinks.”
The bar tender took a
second to collect money from another patron before looking back at her. “What
do you want, Slayer?”
“I’m looking for a place to
settle in for a while,” Buffy explained, loud enough for others in the bar to
hear as well. “Thought this might be the sort of place where someone might know
someone who could lend me a room in exchange for protection.”
To her surprise, the bar
tender shook his head. She’d never had someone dismiss her so easily before,
especially not someone who knew her reputation. No one else at the bar seemed
to be showing any interest, either, and it wasn’t because they weren’t
listening in. “What?” Buffy asked, and winced inwardly as her tone emerged more
defensively than she would like. “You think I don’t have the muscle?”
“Hey, I’m not doubting your
capabilities, kid,” the man said in return. “Already got protection here,
though. And before you ask – yeah, from demons and all that.”
Buffy did not let her
surprise show. After all, there should be a Slayer in this time and place.
Slayers weren’t the only ones that fought demons, anyway. She just gave the bar
tender a contemplative look. “What if I wanted to meet your protection?” she
asked.
The man scowled still
further. “Then I’d say that’s not a good idea,” he retorted oddly.
Buffy was about to make a
sharp comeback when something froze her. Something was suddenly different in
the air. She felt it in the pit of her stomach and crawling up her spine.
Familiar. Her breath caught.
She had to be imagining it.
Not here…not now….
The bar tender’s eyes
flicked past her abruptly, into the darkness of the bar. “Excuse me,” he said
softly. He reached under the bar, grabbing a small cold box – modern variant of
the cooler, but more like a portable, cheep fridge. He hurried out from behind
the bar without another word.
Buffy watched him go. She
watched him hurry to the darkest area of the bar and open the door to a back
room. Buffy saw nothing of whom he spoke to, but when he returned to the bar
moments later the box was gone.
And Buffy knew.
“He your protection?” she
asked abruptly when the man returned to his duties behind the bar.
The man froze. “You saw him?”
he said in a hushed voice. “No one ever sees him. He doesn’t let anyone.”
Buffy shook her head. “I
didn’t see him.” But if I’m right, I know him. “Vampire?”
The bar tender looked very
nervous. “Listen, I don’t ask questions,” he said. “Never spoke to him. Don’t
even know his name. He comes here every few weeks, I give him…the box. In
return he keeps violent demons off the doorstep. Been that way since before the
current owner bought the place.” He pulled himself a bit straighter, his voice
stronger. “It’s a good thing, too. A lot of the people here owe their lives to
him and don’t even know it.”
Buffy pulled out a bit more
money in thanks and left it on the counter as she stood. “I don’t doubt it,”
she replied, slinging her single bag back over her shoulder.
“Hey!” the bar tender said
abruptly, noticing her leaving.
Buffy turned to look at
him.
“Don’t you go slaying him,”
he said angrily.
Buffy looked at him
innocently. “And why shouldn’t I?”
“Honestly, I don’t think
you can,” the man replied.
“Oh really? Think that
poorly of me?”
“Think that highly of him,”
he retorted. “He’s a good man, Slayer, even if he’s not human. I won’t be
responsible for his death.”
“And neither will I,” Buffy
replied honestly. With those parting words she left the bar, in search of an
old dream.
‘He’s a good man,
Slayer. That better be you, Angel, ‘cause insanity’s not something I need
in my life.’
If the lower levels of the
city were consistently dark, behind The Underground was darker still. Buffy
could barely see a few feet in front of her, and she’d always thought she had
pretty good night vision. Still, she knew she was going the right way. She
could feel that feeling once again, could feel him. Every second that
passed with that old tingling further convinced her that she was right.
Angel. How long had it been
since she’d seen him? In her mind it was nearly a year now, and even that had
only been a relatively brief meeting after her mother’s funeral. A brief
comfort. But how long had it really been? How long?
The shadows moved around
her, undefined shapes slumped against the foundations of buildings. Refuse and
debris. It was hard to make anything out. Abruptly, one of the shapes moved
separately, and she followed. She was certain now. Somehow, she was certain.
“Angel!”
The shape froze. After a
second of seeming indecision it straightened up to its full height and turned
towards her. She could barely make him out in the darkness. He was like a
creature made of shadow, completely dark, and he radiated strength and age like
no other vampire she’d ever been around. If she had not been so certain as to
his identity, she would have been frightened.
“Angel,” she said again,
gentler. Something was wrong and she hadn’t the faintest clue what it was.
Even with her eyes adjusted
to the near total darkness she couldn’t make out any details, but she could see
him cock his head to the side ever so slightly, regarding her. She felt her
breath quicken and smiled as calmly as she could. He took a hesitant step
forward. A tiny bit of light from something passing over head illuminated him
for a moment.
Buffy gasped.
Angel froze.
It was Angel; Buffy knew
that now, but changed. So changed.
How long?
In her life in Sunnydale,
Buffy had encountered all of two vampires that she would consider ancients.
Both were so old they could never again pretend at being human. The Master had
been bald and had worn an extreme version of the demon’s countenance forever
upon his features. Kakistos had hands and feet that had become cloven…well,
before Buffy and Faith had killed him, of course.
Angel looked like neither
of them, but his age was stamped upon his features nonetheless. Ancient. His
hair was longer than she remembered and slightly unkempt, but that wasn’t what
startled her so. His eyes were golden instead of the old familiar brown. His
face was almost like a vampire’s game face, but not quite. Harsher, if that was
possible. The hand that held the cold box to his chest was twisted into
something resembling a claw.
Yet past that, in the
moment where she could see the expression behind the changes in Angel’s
features, there he was. Angel. Yet not Angel. Lost.
Dear God, how long
had it been?
Then the moment was broken,
the glimmer of recognition faded, and wordlessly he turned away. Moving off
into the darkness.
Buffy had no choice but to
follow.
She needed him, the one
last familiar thing in the world. Some part of her told her that right now, he
needed her, too, even if he didn’t know it.
He needed her, before he
was lost for good.
Her smell filled the
confined space between the buildings, seeming to overwhelm even the
ever-present stench of refuse. Her heartbeat was like thunder in his ears.
Hell, he could even feel her along his skin. So familiar. So her.
He frowned to himself. He
knew nothing was ever meant to be as old as he was, and this just proved it.
The centuries had finally
destroyed his sanity. That was the only explanation.
It was a pleasant vision,
but a vision nonetheless. If he acknowledged it, it would disappear. Or maybe
it wouldn’t; maybe it would change, and become something out of Angel’s
nightmares instead of his dreams. So, no comfort to be had here. No relief.
Just the sad reminder of times long past, things long lost, and a curse that
was the bane of his existence in all its forms.
Just a hallucination.
That, of course, did not
explain why her scent and her heartbeat followed him all the way home.
Despite trying her hardest
to stay calm, Buffy’s thoughts were racing. Just when she thought she had her
new existence figured out, just when she was making her place in the world,
this had to happen.
Angel.
Sure, no matter how much
time had passed, there was always the possibility that he could be alive.
Undead. Whatever. But once it became clear to her just how much time had
passed, how different this world was from the one where she had grown up…she
hadn’t even entertained the possibility. One night in this world, over two
months ago, Buffy had come to a final realization: she had no way home. Her
friends would have to get her if they could, but that hadn’t happened yet. She
realized she had to stop hoping for a way home and start living a life here. On
that night she had mourned everyone she once knew. That had included Angel.
But he wasn’t dead. Out of
everyone, he was the one still walking the earth. Even if she’d imagined he was
alive, though, she would not have imagined him like this. Changed in body and
mind, he was an ancient vampire who would no doubt be incredibly powerful – and
terrifying – was it not for the existence of his soul. Still fighting, still
existing…but that was it. Whatever he’d once hoped for was long gone now.
Except for that one brief moment where she thought he’d recognized her, Buffy
couldn’t even find a spark of the Angel she once knew.
A small part of her dreaded
that any trace of her friend – her love – was gone for good. A small part, one
that she squashed ruthlessly as soon as she was aware of the thought.
Her Angel was still there
somewhere, and she was going to bring him back. She needed him, after all. She
needed something. She needed…she needed home.
So she followed him. She
followed him even as her ignored her presence and maneuvered through and in between
buildings with feats no human could duplicate. If she ever fell so far behind
that she could not see him anymore, she could feel him. As long as she could
feel his presence, she could follow it, and if she could follow it she could
find him.
She’d lost him again,
briefly, just when she thought she had the knack of keeping up with him. He
only had one free hand, anyway, so his mobility was restricted slightly. Not
that it made much difference, but it helped. Still, for a moment she stood
there, in darker shadows still. Confused, she couldn’t put a direction to the
sense of him. Unless…
Down?
There was still further
down in this city? Peering into the shadows, Buffy searched, finding at last
something like an old, metal grate set right into the pavement. She lifted it
with minimal difficulty and dropped into the total blackness below.
Yes, that was better. He
was ahead of her now. Smells were different here, older. Not the modern refuse
and futuristic stink, but more familiar – old sewage, perhaps? Eww….
She made her way along by
feel. The wall of the tunnel was cold to the touch. Not the sewer at all, she
was relived to realize, but some sort of access tunnel. It was lighter up ahead
and she could see a square opening where this tunnel ended. Please, let that be
the destination – it had been a long, emotionally draining night, and Buffy
needed to stop to figure out just what she was going to do next.
The sense of him was strong
again. Close once more. Buffy fumbled her way to that lessening of darkness –
not light at all, just slightly less of its absence. She wasn’t afraid, not as
long as she knew Angel was nearby. Okay, so he was ignoring her presence, but
still….
She reached the end of the
tunnel and dropped into the open space.
There was
a brief jolt as she landed. She rolled, coming back to her feet unharmed and
searching for her next step.
Angel was there, just in
front of her. For a moment, as she stood there, she could feel his gaze upon
her as clearly as if he’d touched her. Was he startled that she’d followed him
all the way to his lair? Then the moment slipped away and his gaze went
elsewhere, ignoring her once again.
Buffy sighed. Too much to
hope for, she supposed.
She crouched down where she
was, reaching into her bag. Angel might see fine in this near-total darkness,
but human eyes weren’t meant for this. If she was planning to stay – and some
part of her had already made that decision – she was going to need to look at
where she was living.
After a couple of seconds
of rummaging she came out with a portable lamp. In deference to Angel (this was
his home, after all) she switched it on its lowest setting. It took a second
for her eyes to get adjusted after the total darkness of the tunnel, and when
they did….
“Oh my,” she gasped.
This place must have been
beautiful once, but it was now forgotten and buried by the city above. An
arched ceiling was gracefully undamaged above her, decorated with mosaic tile,
colors dulled with dust and time.
“What was this place?”
Buffy asked. She might as well have been asking herself instead of her silent
companion. One of those fancy train stations, perhaps. Buffy had never seen one
herself.
It bore little semblance to
whatever it had once been. What space weapons or Angel’s scant furniture – a
chair, a bed, and an old (yet sophisticated compared to what Buffy had been
used to) fridge – did not take up was covered with…papers. Books, scrolls,
loose pages, even sketches were piled on every available surface. There might
have been tables and shelves under them, but Buffy wasn’t sure. They were all
covered in a thick layer of dust.
The Angel she’d known had
never been that careless about his texts.
It looked like nothing in
that segment of the room had been touched in ages, anyway. As Buffy watched,
Angel stood in front of the fridge and began to take packets of blood out of
the cold box and pile them in to stay fresh. The last one in his hands moments
later, he closed the fridge, sat heavily in the chair, and neatly punctured it
with his fangs. Buffy watched with something like morbid curiosity.
“You never used to feed in
front of me before,” she said, if just to break the silence.
He continued to drink as if
she wasn’t even there.
“I hope you don’t mind a
house guest,” she continued.
He finished the bag and
threw it into the discarded box.
“Well, I’ll take silence
for consent,” Buffy said lightly. “I warn you, I’m going to be one of those
annoying guests. For one, this place is not fit for human habitation as it is.
I’m going to put food for me next to your blood, I’m going to organize your
bookshelves, shuffle through your belongings…and I’m not going to leave until
you speak to me.”
Nothing. His meal done, he
stood and proceeded to strip as if he was completely alone. Buffy blushed and
turned her head quickly. Seconds later she looked back to find him completely
burrowed into the old blankets covering his bed. His eyes were closed and he
was frowning slightly.
Buffy sighed. “Goodnight,
Angel,” she whispered.
She turned off her light
and watched him from the haven of total darkness.
Things fell into a pattern
pretty quickly after Buffy moved into Angel’s lair. In the day, Angel slept and
Buffy made herself at home. She was true to her word and made her presence very
noticeable. Her first day there she went out and bought herself a mattress, a
couple of blankets, and some food with what little money she had. The mattress
and blankets took up space in a corner; the food found a slot next to the blood
in the fridge.
Also, just like she said,
she began to go through the piles of stuff Angel had collected over the years.
That was a task where it was difficult just to figure out where to start. She
couldn’t even read a good chunk of the stuff. Eventually she began to separate
things into three basic piles: personal writings and sketches, books, and other
stuff she couldn’t make heads or tails of.
She hesitated at first at
going through Angel’s personal things. But days went by and he never looked at
them or paid any attention to Buffy. She got tired of talking to herself or
staring at walls in the daytime. So she began to read what she was organizing.
She had to be careful with some of them – so old the paper was incredibly
fragile. And her nosiness did stop at one point – she couldn’t bring herself to
read his journals. He’d apparently kept them for quite a while, sporadically at
times. In the last of his journals his handwriting rapidly deteriorated and
then the entries abruptly stopped. Buffy could only guess that was due to the
changes in his hands – it couldn’t be easy to write with claws.
Buffy frowned. Had it been
as long since he had read the texts in his possession? Had it been as long
since he’d spoken to anyone?
Maybe it was no wonder that
his mental state was questionable. He’d been a total recluse for possibly
centuries.
Other clues came in the
form of sketches. There were several pleasant images – people, friends…even a
couple of herself, to Buffy’s surprise. Those were vastly outnumbered, however,
by more horrific images – demons and victims. Angel himself, but not as Buffy
remembered him or how he appeared now. Monstrous distortions she only knew as
him by other writing and details on the pages. It was an obsession with self,
Buffy was beginning to recognize. Angel had always had an awareness of his
self-image. The black-on-black clothing, the massive classic convertible…Angel
always had an image, and that image was strong, mysterious, and human.
Buffy could only imagine
what he’d gone through when his appearance had begun to change.
So, that was her daytime.
There was so much to go through that she’d made very little visible progress.
In nighttime, when Angel woke, Buffy stayed with him. She was a step behind him
wherever he went. She fought next to him when he fought handfuls of demons and
vampires every night.
Whether or not he actively
acknowledged her presence, Buffy began to realize that he was aware of her. His
behavior shifted ever so slightly, and every little bit served to reassure
Buffy. After that first night Angel didn’t again strip in front of her. After
about a week Buffy noticed the return of Angel’s old habit of unnecessary
breath.
Appearances.
Most noticeable, though,
was the shift in Angel’s fighting style. Ever so slightly he accommodated
someone else fighting with him. It was almost like old times, if a whole lot
quieter.
Two weeks after she had
first felt Angel in the depths of The Underground, she followed him as he
returned there once again on an errand for blood. The back door was closed, and
she watched with some surprise as he produced an old key and slipped it easily
into the lock. The door opened silently, and Buffy slipped in behind him.
She watched as Angel
slipped through the pitch-black storage room they’d entered to approach the
door to the main bar. There was a small window set into the door, and he paused
in front of it briefly before slipping into deeper shadow.
Moments later the door
opened. The same bar tender who’d been working there last time Buffy was there
blinked into the darkness. He held another cold boy in front of him. He did not
leave the comfort of the pale light of the doorway, but looked into the
darkness for Angel. When his gaze fell upon Buffy he gasped.
Buffy winked at him.
The bar tender was
obviously flustered as he passed the cooler to Angel. Angel never emerged
completely from the shadows as he took the blood and disappeared through the
back door.
Buffy hesitated. If last
time were any indicator, he’d head right back to his lair with the food for the
next two weeks. Buffy could easily catch up with him again there. It might be
nice to have some human company for a little while.
The bar tender was still
standing in the doorway. “What are you doing here, Slayer?”
Buffy grinned, stepping
towards him. “I don’t know,” she said. “I thought maybe I could get a drink.
That is what you serve here, right?”
He looked back and forth
for a moment between Buffy and the door Angel had disappeared through. “What
are you doing with him?” he asked suspiciously.
“He’s an old friend.”
The bar tender had an odd
expression on his face. “I wasn’t aware he had any friends,” he said.
“He used to,” Buffy replied
honestly.
The bar tender looked at
her seriously for a long moment. “Well,” he said at last, “are you going to
have a drink or not?”
Buffy felt a gnaw of
unexpected guilt at leaving Angel on his own. Just because he wasn’t the best
company right now didn’t mean she should abandon him without a word. Abruptly
that feeling was joined by the sharp pull of something else. “I can’t!” she
said quickly.
“But I thought…”
“I’m needed,” Buffy said
mostly to herself and rushed out the door after Angel.
The familiar sounds of
violence met Buffy almost immediately, plus a horrible stench. She paused only
long enough for her eyes to readjust to the total darkness behind the bar then
took off at a run.
She rounded the corner to
see Angel trading blows with three demons. Each was taller than him by about
two feet and was two large people wide. Buffy had never seen Angel so dwarfed
by essentially ‘normal’ demons. The blood he’d been carrying was carelessly
spilled against one wall. For the moment Angel was keeping the demons at arms
length, but they were bigger, likely stronger, had wicked looking claws, and
outnumbered him.
Damn it, she shouldn’t have
left him alone.
Buffy drew her sword from
her back and jumped into the fray. She swung her weapon wildly before the
nearest demon even knew she was there. The large blade barely scratched its
heavily scaled back. The demon turned on her, absolutely furious. It was one
less demon for Angel to deal with, but Buffy was not liking this situation.
Keeping the sword in front
of her, Buffy focused entirely on evading the demon’s claws. It was like trying
to parry ten daggers at once. Even if she could hurt it, she couldn’t take her
attention away from those claws long enough to inflict any damage.
Out of the corner of her
eye she saw Angel go down, then come up moments later with a rusted metal rod.
He swung it wildly at one of the demon’s heads, making it rear back dazed.
Before it could recover, he drove the pole into its eye.
The demon screamed,
staggering back from the vampire. The other two demons looked at it, alarmed.
Buffy took the momentary distraction to follow Angel’s lead, lunging in with
her sword and aiming for the nearest demon’s eye. She connected, but didn’t get
the damaging blow she wanted before the demon returned its full attention on
her, screaming and flailing in startled pain.
She barely had time to be
surprised before the demon’s claws caught her across the abdomen. After that it
was like everything happened in slow motion. Lines of pain erupted as she fell
away from the demon, only to be replaced by a spreading numbness. Distractedly
she heard a different roar, followed by a scream from the third demon. Then
nothing but running feet, followed by silence.
She knew she’d been
seriously injured and was likely in shock, but she couldn’t bring herself to
move. She could feel the coldness of pavement under her and the spreading
warmth of her own blood. At least she didn’t see any demons at the moment. Maybe
they’d run away or something.
A face swam into her
blurring vision. Buffy had never been so relieved to see golden, vampiric eyes.
“Angel,” she gasped.
She just hoped distractedly
that wasn’t the last thing she was going to say.
She was just so tired….
Blood.
Oh, God, he could smell her
blood!
Panic was hammering at
Angel in waves, but instead of making him freeze it spurred him into action. It
suddenly didn’t matter if she was a figment of his imagination or not. If she
were, then soon he’d know for sure. If she wasn’t, then he couldn’t lose her.
He was surrounded by her heartbeat and her scent twenty-four hours a day. She
followed him and fought by his side. He found himself terrified at the prospect
of losing that. Losing her.
Cradled against him, she
didn’t feel like a hallucination at all. She felt very solid and very real. He
could feel her heartbeat against his chest almost as if it was his own. He
could smell her blood, too thick in the air – he remembered what that smelled
like, and this was real. The panic suppressed any hunger he might have felt at
that otherwise.
Angel ran, keeping to the
darkest shadows where he could, running faster than a human could possibly
match. There was a clinic he’d taken unconscious injured to before. That’s where
he was taking Buffy. He couldn’t just leave her, though. He had to know she
would be okay. She had to be okay.
For the first time Angel
did not slow as he came near the clinic. He didn’t hesitate as he neared
people, but held Buffy closer as he barreled through the front doors.
There was a moment’s
hesitation just inside the door. A young nurse gaped at his entrance, frozen.
Angel came to a stop, uncertain for a second. This wouldn’t do at all. As fear
overwhelmed him, he couldn’t even tell how Buffy was doing anymore. She needed
help now.
He locked eyes with the
nurse, and she took an inadvertent step back. This wouldn’t do at all.
“Help her,” he growled.
There was a strange
atmosphere in the clinic, to be sure. Doctor Hasna tried to remain unaffected,
but everyone had been jumpy since the vampire had shown up at the door. The
girl was resting comfortably now – surgery had been easier than Hasna had
expected. Now she was the only one willing to approach the vampire to talk to
him about the girl’s injuries.
She didn’t need to ask
where the vampire was. Simple observation showed one room that staff was
passing just a little faster and a little warily. It was a small lounge, often
used by members of the clinic staff to rest when they were too exhausted to
make it home. For the moment, it was a place for a very worried elder vampire.
Doctor Hasna had to fight
her own hesitancy to approach that door. The clinic treated demons as well as
humans on occasion, so while vampires very rarely needed her attention, she was
familiar with their existence. She’d never seen a vampire quite like this
before, though.
With a deep breath she
opened the door to the pitch-dark room. “Hello?” she called hesitantly. She
closed the door behind her and turned on the light. The vampire was suddenly
starkly obvious – all in black on a background of hospital white. He blinked at
her in the sudden brightness. His elbows were on his knees and Hasna had the
impression his head had been in his hands only moments before.
She swallowed hard to calm
herself. “I’m Doctor Hasna,” she greeted as gently as she could. “I need to
speak to you about the young woman you brought in.”
The vampire nodded and sat
up straighter.
The doctor hesitated for a
second. She didn’t know what to expect of this vampire. There was nothing
typical about him or his behavior thus far. Hasna approached him cautiously.
“First off,” she said, “could you tell me her name?”
The vampire didn’t seem to
understand what she was asking at first. Then he swallowed audibly. “Buffy,” he
said. His voice was softer than she expected, like he was uncertain of his own
voice. “Buffy Anne Summers.”
Hasna smiled, trying to be
as reassuring as possible as she would for any concerned loved one. Not that
the same thing usually went for vampires, especially when it came to a mortal.
She took nothing for granted, though. “How about your name?” she asked lightly.
“Angel,” the vampire said,
only a bit more confidently.
She didn’t let the
vampire’s incongruous name faze her. “Alright, Angel. Well, whatever got to
Buffy did a pretty bad number on her stomach. It managed to cause some
significant muscle damage.”
Angel tensed. “She’s okay?”
he asked urgently.
Hasna was startled by the
sudden force of feeling in the vampire’s brown eyes. “She’ll be fine. A little
scarred.”
His entire body relaxed and
the slightest hint of a grin turned up the corners of his mouth. “Can I see
her?” he asked.
The doctor had to think
about it for a second, remembering the general unease currently prevailing in
the clinic. She thought about the injured girl currently resting in a private
room, the victim of a demon’s attack, and the fact that she was actually
considering letting a vampire into her company. And then there was the fact
that this vampire was responsible for the girl’s life, and the concern he
obviously felt over her well-being. Hasna didn’t think it was possible to fake
that.
She brushed a strand of
black hair behind her ear. She smiled. “I’ll take you to her,” she said.
Buffy awoke slowly. Her
head felt like it was stuffed full of cotton, but she wasn’t in pain. Good
drugs, she thought. Either that or her wounds had killed her, and she
wasn’t ready to contemplate the second option.
Her eyes opened on blank
whiteness, and for a moment Buffy panicked. She was so used to darkness. This
was wrong.
Then things came into focus
and Buffy knew her surroundings for what they were: a hospital room. She
sighed. It was so quiet, not at all like the hospital back in Sunnydale. She
looked around to try and catch the other changes time had wrought.
Her eyes caught something
else instead. Leaning against the wall, his head was down in repose. She
couldn’t tell if he was awake or not. She hadn’t expected him to be here. Hell,
considering his behavior since they met in the street weeks ago, she was lucky
he’d acknowledged her presence enough to get her medical care. She assumed he
was the one who brought her here….
“Angel,” she found herself
whispering despite her consistent lack of response.
This time he surprised her.
His head shot up at the sound of her voice and within seconds he was at her
bedside. His eyes locked with hers and Buffy found herself smiling despite
their surroundings.
“Buffy.”
For a second Buffy thought
she imagined his whisper. He spoke! She grinned even wider. “Hey, stranger,”
she said happily. “Long time no see.”
He blinked at her for a
second. His eyes were back to the old familiar brown instead of the vampire
gold she’d gotten used to in recent weeks. It made her feel unexpectedly
comfortable and reassured. It was like Angel was suddenly once again present
behind those eyes.
“Buffy,” he said again,
clearer this time.
Buffy sensed the unspoken
question in that one word. “Yeah,” she said gently, “it’s me.” She raised a
hand to touch his face, but he shied away just before she could connect. “Hey,”
she said again, whispering this time, “it’s me.”
He sat back, just slightly
out of reach. “I’m sorry,” he muttered.
“Don’t be,” Buffy said as
gently as she could. It was so nice to hear his voice again, even distorted by
his fangs. “Come on, Angel, don’t pull away from me.”
He scooted the room’s only
chair closer to the bed. Carefully, afraid she’d scare him away, Buffy placed
her hand on his own. She could feel him tense as if to pull away for a second,
and then relax. “There,” she said happily. “Isn’t that better?”
He kept his gaze locked on
their hands. “How?” he asked simply.
Buffy knew what he was
asking. “I don’t know,” she admitted.
He looked flustered, as if
trying to reconcile reality with what he thought reality was supposed to be.
“You died,” he said after a while.
Buffy didn’t know quite how
to respond to that. “Not that I remember,” she faltered. “I just…went to sleep
in Sunnydale and woke up here.” She chuckled to herself. “Well, not here…in
the city, you know? In this time. Whatever.” She shrugged, and Angel smiled
ever so slightly.
He looked at their hands
again. “You’ve really been here?” he asked softly.
“Yeah, I’ve been here,” she
said. “Last couple of weeks, pretty much 24/7. Though I must say I like this
new talkative Angel more than the Angel zombie I was starting to think I was
living with.”
Angel would have blushed if
he could have. “I’m sorry.”
“You keep saying that,”
Buffy pointed out easily. “You don’t need to apologize. Though I wouldn’t mind
an explanation for this sudden turn-around.”
Again Angel faltered.
“You’re real,” he managed at last.
“That’s all it took?”
He swallowed hard. “I
couldn’t…. I needed….”
“Take your time,” Buffy
said gently. She looked at him curiously. “How long has it been since you…even
spoke with anyone?”
Angel’s brow furrowed in
thought. “Long,” he said simply.
Buffy squeezed his hand.
“Well then…”
At that moment a woman with
long black hair and a doctor’s coat entered the room. “Good morning, Buffy,”
she said. “How good to see you awake.”
Buffy watched in surprise
as Angel sat back in his chair, fading into the background once again. It was
like a switch had been flipped and he was suddenly reverting to his behavior of
the last few weeks. He was abruptly and instantly out of reach.
She swallowed, unsure of
what to do about this – what she could do, even – and glanced at the doctor.
“Hello,” she said, acknowledging the woman briefly. She looked back at Angel
once again.
The doctor came the rest of
the way into the room, stood next to the bed, and to Buffy’s surprise smiled at
the vampire trying to blend into the chair. “Have you been here all night,
Angel?” she asked gently.
Angel jumped slightly,
startled back from wherever he’d gone. “Yes,” he replied easily.
The doctor turned her smile
back on Buffy. “I’m Doctor Hasna,” she introduced herself. “That demon really
did a number on you.”
Buffy’s hand went to her
bandaged stomach. “I guess so,” she said. “They were tougher demons than we
usually expect to encounter.”
Doctor Hasna looked
shocked. “You were expecting demons? Why?”
“Someone has to fight
them,” Buffy replied.
“Both of you?”
Buffy nodded and smiled at
the doctor’s obvious shock.
“You didn’t tell me that,”
the doctor directed at Angel.
“You didn’t ask,” he
replied.
The doctor seemed to be
having serious thoughts, but she shook them off and smiled at Buffy once again.
“Well, you’re going to be fine. I’d like to keep you here one more day. Once I
release you, take it easy on the demon hunting for a while, yes?”
Buffy frowned. What else
was she supposed to do?
“Angel?” the doctor tried.
He looked at her
questioningly.
“I don’t want her fighting
demons with or without you for at least a week,” Doctor Hasna insisted.
Angel nodded. “She won’t.”
Buffy pouted.
“All right. At the end of
that week, you need to come back so I can do a final check on you, okay?”
Buffy nodded reluctantly.
“Okay.”
The doctor smiled. “I’ll
see both of you later,” she said calmly, and left the room again.
Buffy sighed and sank back
into her bed. “I’ve told you how much I hate hospitals, right?”
“No,” Angel replied.
“Well, I do,” Buffy complained.
“Something’s going on. I can’t wait to get out of here.”
It almost felt strange
returning to the old train station after two days at Buffy’s bedside. Angel was
still in a bit of shock after everything that had happened. He was overwhelmed
by the sudden change in everything around him.
No, that wasn’t right.
Everything around him had been like this all along. He just couldn’t hide from
it as before. Buffy’s very presence effected him just like it had the first
time he’d seen her – drawing him suddenly and irrevocably from the shadows,
literal and metaphorical. Once again she surrounded him with the essence of the
humanity he lacked. He was drawn back into public identity by her just as he
might be drawn to sunlight – beautiful, longed for, but deadly.
It terrified him.
He wasn’t human. He hadn’t
even appeared human in a long time. Even more terrifying, though, he didn’t
know if he knew how to be human anymore. How to pretend. He couldn’t remember
what it felt like to live, to interact, to just be. It had been so long,
perhaps too long for him to ever return.
But Buffy…she was
different. Beautiful and vibrant, even when gravely injured, she carried on
with the strength and heart he remembered from that too brief time ages ago.
She was the antithesis of change.
Change; unchanged. Darkness
and light. Monster and human. Death and life.
Yeah, Angel was confused.
Buffy seemed to continue on
regardless. Well, no, not regardless. She was very aware of him at all times,
smiling and speaking to him even when he was too befuddled to answer. Which
felt odd in and of itself – she never hesitated, there were no uncomfortable
silences, just the warm glow of acceptance and companionship. Unintentionally,
they were both grasping on to old shreds of familiarity from before the world
went dark.
“So,” Buffy had asked soon
after they returned from the hospital together, “what kind of demons were
those?”
Angel just shrugged.
Buffy looked at him with
raised eyebrows. “If you don’t know what they are, how do you plan to kill
them?”
“I….” Angel couldn’t think
of what to say. He didn’t plan to kill demons anymore. He just did. He no
longer had a seer to direct him to people in trouble, no drawn out hunts. He killed
what he happened to find as he wandered and that was that.
“What?” Buffy asked with a
chuckle. “You just cut off their heads and figure they’ll die?”
“It works,” Angel muttered.
“Sure, if the things have
necks,” Buffy retorted.
Angel couldn’t help but
smile ever so slightly.
“Well then,” she said,
moving slowly across the room. She cleaned off his second chair, long covered
by books, and carefully lowered herself onto it due to her injuries and its
rickety nature. “I’m not usually research girl,” she declared. “You tell me
where to look.”
“Uh….”
Buffy just looked at him
patiently. “There are three angry demons out there,” she said. “If you think
they’re going to stand by with us half blinding them….”
“Strasman’s Compendium,”
Angel interrupted her.
Buffy grinned broadly.
“There, that wasn’t so hard.” Her smile slipped and she gestured to the pile of
books. “Uh…which one?”
So research mode commenced,
and Angel found himself looking back with nostalgia on other times. The early
times pouring over prophecies with Giles, and the years of Angel Investigations
with Wesley…this was a sort of camaraderie he used to be familiar with, where
talking was unnecessary and he could bury himself in someone else’s written
words. As long as it had been since he opened one of these books, it had been
even longer before that since he’d had someone else to look at them with him.
It turned out to be both
good and bad this time to have someone with him. On the one hand there was that
silent companionship. The more time went on, the less Angel could imagine being
alone again. He knew he would be eventually – simple fact – but if he could put
that off forever he would. On the other hand, Angel had been alone for so long.
He’d become intensely private, for one. Breaking that habit and adjusting his
existence to accommodate for someone else’s presence did not come easily. And
this was Buffy, which raised other issues. Like things he had kept from her for
so long he’d forgotten she’d never known….
Angel was reading yet another
obscure demon reference when one of those later issues practically smacked him
in the face. He had the large tome open on his lap and was scanning the text
with one nail running across the page. It looked like this might hold the
information they were looking for, but the archaic German was difficult to
puzzle out even without the faded ink. Buffy sat across from him, still sorting
through the massive piles of books.
“What’s this?” she asked
abruptly.
Angel finished the sentence
he was reading and glanced up, expecting to see another old book with a
battered cover. Instead there was an old notebook in her hand, rebound several
times, with pages torn and slipping from their rings. If Angel could have, he
would have paled.
He’s forgotten he still had
that.
“Uh…it is…was Wesley’s,” he
managed.
“Oh,” Buffy said softly as
she began to very carefully open it.
“Buffy!” he said quickly.
She looked at him again,
startled no doubt by the abruptness of his tone.
“It’s not…it has nothing to
do with….” he struggled.
“What is it?”
Angel swallowed the lump in
his throat. “Prophecy. Translations.”
Buffy looked at him oddly.
“You’re sure there’s nothing…?”
“No!” Angel snapped,
standing.
Buffy jerked back in
surprise.
“There’s nothing,” he said
more gently. Nothing but empty promises and battled still to be fought.
It was the iron grip of the Powers That Be, keeping him alive for some supposed
battle that never came. So God damn important…. “It doesn’t matter,” he said,
gesturing at the book he’d been reading. “I know what I need to know.”
He turned away from her,
grabbing the broadsword standing against the wall.
“I’m coming with you,” she
said from behind him.
“No,” Angel said, not even
looking at her. “You’re not.”
He left at a speed he knew
she could not follow.
For a while after his
abrupt departure, Buffy simply gaped at where Angel had gone. What had she done
to deserve such a reaction? She couldn’t even begin to figure out what he was
feeling at the moment. Was he angry with her? Or was there something else going
on entirely?
Well, some wry part of her
noted, at least she got a reaction out of him. Less than a week ago she
wouldn’t have gotten that much.
So Buffy frowned, and she
worried, and eventually she read. She read about a vampire with a soul, written
about ages before his own birth. She read about battles, fiends, and plagues he
was meant to face, and she read about his reward. Multiple translation and
reinterpretations, but it all led to one conclusion.
Some day, Angel would be
human.
There was no hint of when
or how, but there it was. Angel would one day be a vampire no longer, but
rather a living, breathing member of the human race. Buffy read the notes over
more than once, her thoughts a turmoil of possibilities. She couldn’t find the
answer to one question, though.
Why had her finding this
upset Angel so much?
She was jolted out of her
thoughts suddenly. Just as abruptly as he’d left, Angel returned. Buffy was
startled and shocked by his appearance. Only his sword was free of gore –
cleaned before he left the battle site as always. His shirt was practically
shred to ribbons, and the red blood mixing with blue demon ooze testified to
the wounds beneath.
“Angel!” Buffy could not
help but cry, springing from her chair, heedless of her half healed injuries.
He looked at her, saying
nothing. Buffy could see him wincing with every step he took. Sitting heavily
in his chair, Buffy could see lines of pain on his face.
She rushed to action,
grabbing the first aid supplies and going quickly to his side.
“Don’t,” he said oddly,
flinching away from her first attempt to check his wounds.
He couldn’t exactly go far,
and Buffy would not be dissuaded. “Stop it,” she said sternly. “Take off your
shirt so that I can look at your wounds.”
Angel looked at her
stubbornly. “You need those,” he insisted, gesturing at the bandages and
antiseptic wash she carried.
“I’m almost healed,” she
retorted. “Slayer, remember?” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Take off your
shirt.”
After one more stubborn
look that Buffy easily matched, Angel complied. Once the wounds were laid bare,
Buffy sat next to him on the chair’s armrest and began to carefully wipe blood
and gore away. Angel trembled under the first couple of touched and Buffy
couldn’t help but be reminded of an animal yearning to escape. He relaxed only
after a couple of minutes and let Buffy bandage his wounds. He was silent.
“So,” Buffy said after a
long while, taping one bandage on his back into place, “did clobbering some
demons make you feel better?”
“No,” Angel replied simply.
Buffy knew what that felt
like. “Did you get them?”
“They’re dead.”
Buffy nodded and they fell
into silence once again. It was awkward this time, and to her surprise it was
Angel who broke it.
“Why are you doing this?”
he asked in a voice barely above a whisper. He sounded absolutely miserable.
“Because I don’t like
seeing you in pain,” Buffy replied honestly.
“I would have healed,”
Angel began to reply.
Buffy finished securing the
last bandage – low across the ribs – and then moved so that she could face him.
She crouched in front of his chair, her hands resting lightly on his knees. “I
didn’t mean just this,” she said very gently. “I think you’ve been in pain
longer than the oldest person alive ever lived. I could feel it from the moment
I found you again. I want to make it go away, or at least lessen it.”
Angel looked away from her
without comment.
“I read the prophecy while
you were gone,” Buffy continued. “I read about how some day you’re supposed to
become human. What in that – in me finding it, whatever – upset you so much?”
Angel faced her abruptly
with a snarl, his eyes flashing yellow with emotion before returning to brown.
“How can you ask me that?” he hissed around his fangs.
“I asked because I was
worried about you!” Buffy explained. “When you ran out of here like that I was
afraid you wouldn’t be back!”
“And that would bother
you?”
“Yes, it would bother me!”
she said, aghast that he would think otherwise. “You’re my friend, Angel.
You’re the only one left.”
“So better the monster you
know than the humans you don’t,” Angel muttered sarcastically.
He obviously did not mean
for her to hear that. “You’re not a monster,” she said vehemently.
“Then what am I?” Angel
retorted. “I’m sure as hell not human!”
“But you could be!” Buffy
cried, remembering the prophecy.
Angel nearly glared at her.
“With this face?” he growled. “With these hands? There’s no place for me among
humans anymore.”
The finality in his voice
infuriated her. “Fine!” she declared, standing up. “You think you’re a monster,
do you? Well then, I guess you are what you think you are! I mean, look at
Faith. She killed a man and thought she was evil, so guess what? She became
evil!”
“Buffy….”
Buffy kept right on going.
“So go ahead and be a monster,” she said. “I mean, you think you are one and
that you look like one. How far from there to being one? I mean, all you have
to do is start killing people again and you’d definitely fit the part!”
Angel flinched.
Buffy crouched at his feet
again, calmly meeting his pained gaze. “But you know what I see instead?” she
asked gently. “I see a friend in pain. I see someone who has tried to suppress
parts of himself for so long that it hurts just to be. You are one of the most
human beings I have ever met.
“No monster would have
rescued me from those demons,” she went on. “No monster would care like you do.
They wouldn’t go on fighting, even when it seems senseless and the possibility
of reward seems gone. You’re not a monster. When I asked about you that first
night at The Underground, the bar tender made a point of telling me you’re a
good man. I see that. He sees that and he doesn’t even know you. Why can’t you
see the same thing?”
Angel was silent.
Buffy took a deep breath
and ran a gentle hand across his brow. He closed his eyes at her touch. “You
may not look human here,” she said, “but you’ll always be human here.” She
placed her hand over his heart with that last phrase, then stood again and
withdrew from him slightly. She swallowed. “You lost a lot of blood,” she said,
changing the subject. “You should eat something.”
Angel blinked at her oddly
and hesitated.
“What?”
“There isn’t any. The
blood….”
Memory image: cold box of
blood spilled in the midst of battle. “You haven’t fed in four days?!”
Angel shrugged. “I don’t
need much.”
Buffy shot him a ‘don’t be
ridiculous’ look. “Clean up, get a new shirt on, and let’s go.”
“Where…?”
Buffy smiled reassuringly.
“To ask your supplier for an advance,” she explained. She had more plans than
that, though. Angel was finally talking to her. He needed convincing as to his
own potential for humanity? Then it was about time he started talking with some
other members of the human race.
Angel licked his lips
nervously. And part of him felt ridiculous for being nervous.
“Front door,” Buffy had
said. No problem, right?
Yeah, right.
Next to him, Buffy was as
strong and confident as ever. She was trying to be confident enough for both of
them. When his footsteps would slow, she would smile at him and lightly touch
his arm, moving him inexorably forward.
The reaction when they
entered the seedy bar wasn’t what Angel expected. More specifically, there
wasn’t a reaction. Buffy and Angel were noticed, but that was it. No one looked
at them twice.
Angel’s confusion must have
shown on his face, because Buffy suddenly chuckled.
“You should have seen the
blue slimy guy that was here on my first visit,” she said just loud enough to
be heard. “I’m sorry for the janitor.” Then, a bit more seriously, “I’ve
learned one major thing since I arrived here. There aren’t many – at least,
down here – that don’t know about the existence of demons.”
She drew him then over to
the bar and grabbed a stool for each of them. “Hey!” she called to get the bar
tender’s attention.
He smiled when he saw her.
“Hey, Slayer! Back again so soon?”
Buffy smiled back. “I’m
here, aren’t I? You know, I never did get your name.”
“Richard,” the bar tender
replied. “You going to introduce me to your friend?”
“You know my friend,” she
said, placing a hand on Angel’s shoulder.
Angel glanced at the bar
tender. He’d been watching the mass of people around them pretty much since
they got there, both fascinated and overwhelmed. Now he met the bar tender’s
shocked gaze and dropped his eyes almost immediately. Buffy’s second directive
– “speak” – was suddenly an impossibility.
Buffy squeezed his shoulder
slightly before releasing it. “I got him to come in through the front door this
time,” she teased.
Richard swallowed audibly.
“Well,” he said, “what can I get you then?”
“Same as last time,” she
replied.
“The drink or the
information?”
Buffy chuckled. “The
drink.” There was a pause. “Angel?” Buffy prompted.
“Bloody Mary,” he muttered
sarcastically. He was rethinking a bit too late the idea of coming to a room
full of humans when he was hungry. He’d never attack anyone, but he was not
comfortable.
The bar tender chuckled,
and he could feel Buffy grin. It had been a rather juvenile joke, perhaps, but
it was something.
“Actually,” Buffy said
before Richard could fill their drink orders, “that’s why we’re here.”
He looked at her oddly.
“What is?”
Now Buffy seemed a little
nervous herself. “We…ran into a little accident after we left here last time,”
she explained. “The cold box was lost in the process and never made it home.
We’re having a…food shortage as a result.”
Richard looked back and
forth between them. “It’ll take a couple of days,” he began.
“Come on,” Buffy pressed.
“You don’t even have a little something to tide us over?”
“Why would I have that?”
“You do serve demons
here,” she pointed out.
“I serve neutral demons,”
he clarified. “Blood drinkers aren’t typically neutral.” He glanced at Angel.
“No offense,” he added.
Angel just nodded.
Richard sighed. “Look,
I…might have something in the back. It won’t be very good quality, and I don’t
want you spreading the word that I’m doing this.”
“Anything you can do would
be wonderful,” Buffy said sincerely.
Richard just frowned at her
and disappeared behind the bar. About a minute later he returned with a drink
in each hand; clear alcohol for Buffy, and for Angel…. “Your Bloody Mary,” the
bar tender said with a smirk.
The blood smell hit Angel
hard, but he couldn’t…. His hand trembled slightly, a centimeter away from the
glass. He glanced at Buffy uncertainly.
She smiled at him and
raised her glass. “A toast, perhaps?” she suggested to ward off the
awkwardness.
Angel lifted his glass
towards hers.
“To humanity,” she said.
Angel brought his glass to
his lips and drank slowly, trying with all his might just to look like any
other patron of the bar. The blood did not bring him any pleasure, but it did
sate the hunger some, if not the desire.
He lowered the glass at
last, completely drained, and noticed the bar tender watching him. “Thank you,”
Angel said honestly.
Richard smiled back at him.
“Any time,” he said and moved on to other customers.
Angel could feel Buffy’s
happiness next to him and turned to see her smile. Freshly fed and with the
hazy sense of uncaring acceptance around him, Angel allowed himself for the
first time to truly smile back.
Just when Buffy thought she
had Angel figured out, when it seemed he was making his way back to the Angel
she once fell in love with, he managed to baffle her. With the crisis of the
one group of demons behind them and Buffy medically forbidden from joining him
in hunting others, Angel’s mood seemed to change abruptly. The evening of their
joint excursion to The Underground he had been relaxed and delightful company.
When they awoke the next day, that was gone.
Instead, Angel spent even
more time than usual outside, fighting demons. When he was in the lair he spoke
to Buffy only briefly and seemed sullen and withdrawn.
He had re-perfected the art
of brooding and Buffy hadn’t the faintest idea why.
Buffy watched him as she
continued organizing the books. After their joint research session she had some
idea of what they were, so she could actually make some progress in putting
them in their place. Not that she was actually making any progress. She kept
getting distracted by Angel.
He wasn’t doing anything
distracting, really. In fact, he wasn’t doing anything at all. He was just
sitting in that chair, staring at his hands. Buffy doubted he was actually
seeing anything at all.
He’d always been capable of
brooding, but this was ridiculous.
Buffy had finally had
enough of it. She put the book she was holding on the shelf and walked
purposefully over to his chair. “Okay, what’s wrong?”
His head snapped up and his
eyes went wide with surprise when he faced her. He didn’t reply.
“Something has been
bothering you since you woke up yesterday,” she said. “Please, tell me what it
is?”
“Nothing,” Angel said
briefly, standing. He walked away from her as if to leave.
“Angel….” Buffy pleaded.
He froze in the act of
reaching for a weapon. “When will you leave?” he asked softly.
“What…?”
“When will you…?”
“I heard what you said,”
Buffy interrupted. “I just…. Do you want me to leave?”
Angel’s reply was mostly
muddled since his back was to her, but Buffy caught the word “inevitable.”
“Why do you think it’s
inevitable?” Buffy asked in surprise. “I mean, I know we haven’t always been on
the best of terms….”
Angel turned to look at
her, and it was his turn to be confused.
Buffy sighed. “Please come
back over here. We need to talk. Or, if you don’t want to talk, just listen to
me for a moment, okay?”
Angel paused only briefly
before returning to the chair.
“This is weird for me,” Buffy said once he was seated. “It feels like only
months since we last saw each other in Sunnydale. I sometimes forget how much
longer it has been for you. So while time has dulled those memories for you –
hell, it’s been long enough I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve forgotten all
together – I can still vividly recall after my mother’s funeral, the way we
kissed….” Buffy blushed. “Not quite the moment I was going for, here,” she
said, slightly embarrassed.
Angel smiled sadly.
“The point I meant to
make,” Buffy continued, “is that I know we don’t have the best track
record on anything that involves an ‘us.’ But that’s still no reason for you to
expect me to leave you…unless you want me to.”
Angel shook his head.
“Then what is it?”
“You don’t want…” he made a
vague, all encompassing gesture, “this.”
Buffy looked at him in
confusion. “How do you know what I want?” she pointed out. “Or is this like you
assuming that someday I wouldn’t want you in Sunnydale?”
“You want this?” Angel
retorted. “Do you want to wake up every day and have this face be the first
thing you see?”
“Yes.”
She couldn’t tell who was
more surprised: him for hearing that or her for saying it.
“Someday, Angel, when I’m
old and gray and wrinkly…will you turn away from me?” she asked.
“No!”
“Then why would you expect
that of me?”
Angel was silent for a
moment. “It’s not the same,” he tried.
“Isn’t it? It’s called
aging, Angel, either way,” Buffy argued. “I’ll be an old woman. I never
expected to see you as an old vampire, but I’m not going to leave because of
it.”
Taking a risk and
surprising both of them, Buffy abruptly sat on his lap. For a moment neither of
them did anything, then Angel placed one of his arms loosely about her waist.
“Is that what this was
about?” she asked at last. “Or are you so eager to get rid of my company?”
“I like having you here,”
Angel admitted.
“Then what is it?”
Angel scowled and stared at
his free hand. He flexed it into a fist for a moment. “Before I…changed the
first time…. Before the first permanent change I was sore for weeks,” he
explained haltingly. “I didn’t know why at the time. But every time, weeks before….”
His voice trailed off.
“What hurts?” Buffy asked
in understanding.
“My hands,” Angel replied,
making a fist once again.
Buffy grasped his fist
lightly, then kissed his knuckle.
Angel took a deep,
unnecessary breath as if to calm himself. “Can you do this?” he asked slowly.
“Can you…not be repulsed when I look less human than I do now? Can you stay
even then? Because if your answer is no, you’d better leave now, before….”
“Before what?”
“Before I can’t stand
living without you again.”
Buffy smiled at him. “I’m
staying,” she said gently.
He looked at her in
delighted shock. Buffy found the expression so adorable she just had to do
something.
She had to kiss him.
He didn’t respond
immediately, and Buffy almost pulled away, but then Angel’s other arm wrapped
around her to hold her closer. Neither of them pulled away for a long moment,
not even when Buffy ran her tongue lightly over Angel’s fangs. It was hard to
believe at that moment that they technically hadn’t seen each other in
centuries up until three weeks ago.
When Buffy pulled away to
look at Angel again, he was grinning. “Thank you,” he said sincerely.
Buffy grinned back at him.
“No, thank you.” She chuckled slightly. “If you keep smiling like that, the
curse is going to be an issue well before either of our appearances are.”
Angel blanched. “I didn’t….
It’s been….”
“Hasn’t been much of an
issue lately, has it?”
Angel shook his head. “I
don’t want to hurt you,” he said earnestly.
“And you won’t,” Buffy
replied. “We’ll figure out something.”
Angel just nodded, then
held her a little tighter. Buffy smiled and leaned into his shoulder. She fit
there as comfortably as she always had.
“Buffy?” Angel said a
little while later.
“Hmm?”
“Time hasn’t dulled the
memories that are worth keeping,” he said softly.
Buffy just smiled to
herself and remembered the best times.
Doctor Hasna, working the
night shift as usual, looked up when the front desk nurse ducked into the room
where she was treating a patient. The nurse spoke before Hasna could ask
anything.
“You’ve got repeat
customers,” she said.
Hasna looked at her in
surprise. “Who is it?”
The nurse gave a nervous
grin. “The odd couple.”
Hasna took a moment to
interpret the unusual description. Then she realized the date and that exactly a
week had passed. Nearly to the minute, actually. “I’ll be with them in a
moment,” she replied. “Uh…give them a private room, hmm?”
“Already done. E 110,” the
nurse replied easily, leaving her with the patient once again.
Hasna finished with her one
patient quickly, cleaning him up and sending him on his way, then made her way
to room E 110. It was a corridor that wasn’t under heavy use, giving the room
even more privacy than expected. As evidenced by the desk nurse, the staff was
more comfortable with the clinic’s unusual visitors than a week ago. The same
could not be said about the average patient, unfortunately.
The doctor entered the room
quietly and couldn’t help but smile at the interaction between the two
occupants. The patient was seated on the bed, her back to the door, speaking
quickly and happily, apparently about absent friends. Her companion – amazingly
pleasant master vampire – noticed Hasna’s entrance but other than that smiled
and nodded and listened to the girl’s story.
“Hello again, Miss
Summers,” Doctor Hasna said when the girl paused.
Buffy swiveled around on
the bed and grinned. “Doctor,” she said pleasantly. “Angel and I were just
reminiscing.”
“I noticed,” Hasna replied.
“How are you feeling?”
“Fine,” Buffy said quickly.
“Let me take a look,” Hasna
insisted.
Buffy sat back on the bed
and lifted her shirt. Hasna could not help but gape at her. Instead of the
angry red new scars she expected, the gashes had faded until they were almost
indistinguishable from the uninjured skin surrounding them. Buffy smiled. “I
heal fast,” she said.
“No kidding,” Hasna
muttered, flicking her hair over her shoulder in what might be considered a
nervous gesture. “Miss Summers,” she said seriously, “are you fully human?”
“Well, yeah!” the girl said
quickly. “I’m stronger and faster and I heal quick, but I’m still human.”
Doctor Hasna looked at her
in blatant disbelief.
“Buffy,” her vampire
companion said gently.
Buffy sighed. “Not that it
makes any difference to you, but I’m a Vampire Slayer,” she said.
Hasna’s thoughts raced.
That fit all available facts except…several, actually. “Last I heard the Slayer
was a wealthy Asian girl. So unless she died in the last…five days, you’re not
her.”
Buffy looked more than a bit
surprised that Hasna knew what she was talking about. “I died once,” she said.
Hasna glanced at Angel, who
nodded. Problem number two…. “You’re a vampire slayer, and yet the two of
you…?”
“That’s a long story and
really none of your business,” Buffy said defensively. “And how do you know
about the Slayer, anyway?”
“A lot of weird things come
through here,” Hasna supplied. “I’ve made a point of learning all that I can.”
Buffy pulled her shirt back
down. “Not that this isn’t fascinating, but can I go?” she asked.
“I have no way to hold
you.”
Buffy nodded and hopped up
from the bed. She looked at Hasna with a thoughtful expression. “So, you see a
lot of weird things here, hmm?”
“Yes,” Hasna replied,
wondering where she was going with this.
“Those weird things
wouldn’t happen to include someone who knows a little something of soul magik,
would it?”
Behind her, Angel gasped.
Hasna suddenly found the full weight of both of their attentions upon her. This
was important.
“Why?” she asked
suspiciously.
“We have this problem with
a curse….”
After walking up two
flights of stairs decorated heavily with astrological symbols and other, less
recognizable designs, then passing through layers of beaded curtains, Buffy and
Angel stood in a small, tacky office. Buffy almost burst out laughing, except
the office’s proprietor – in equally ridiculous robes – stood there waiting for
them.
“Good evening to both of
you,” the woman said solemnly. She was quite old, and her completely white hair
was tied back in a bun.
Buffy just blinked at her
for a second. “Um, are you Regina Osgold? Doctor Hasna, from the clinic, said
you might be able to help us?”
The old woman smiled,
wrinkles crinkling around her eyes. “Ah yes, that sweet girl,” she said. “She
told me you were coming.” She closed and locked the door the two of them had
just entered through, then gestured for them to follow.
Buffy and Angel glanced at
each other, and Buffy shrugged. This was not at all what they were expecting.
The aging fortuneteller
opened another door, hidden at the back of the office. Abruptly they went from
a tacky, carnival atmosphere to a warm and homey living area. A step ahead of
them, the old woman removed her robe to reveal a basic gray jumpsuit
underneath. She flung the robe carelessly over the back of a kitchen chair.
“Would either of you like some tea?” she asked.
Buffy just looked at her in
confusion. “Umm, no, thank you.”
Mrs. Osgold turned her attention
to Angel. “And you? Surely you’ll join me in a cup of tea. I hate to drink
alone.”
“Alright,” Angel
acquiesced.
The old woman grinned,
placing two large mugs on the table. They both bore chips at the rim and fine
cracks along their sides, but neither leaked at all when she filled them. “Now,
don’t you mind all those trappings,” she said to both of them, gesturing at the
outer office. “Most people come here, I show them flash, wish them money and
love, and send them on their way. It keeps those that prey on true psychics and
witches away from my door.”
“But you can help us?”
Buffy asked.
“I’ll try,” she replied.
“If I can’t help you, I’ll find someone who can.” She smiled at both of them
reassuringly. “We mages stick together.” She took a slow sip of her tea, and
Angel raised his own mug to drink.
The woman watched both of
them over her mug for a moment. “You’re an interesting pair,” she said.
Buffy couldn’t help but
fidget under her gaze.
“You are displaced in
time,” she said to Buffy, “and yet not. There is nothing in you that rejects
being here. It is most confusing. But you are tied to each other more than you
realize. I can not tell you how it will turn out, but I wish you well in that.”
Buffy placed her hand on
Angel’s leg under the table, in desperate need of reassurance.
“But you’re the one who’s
really here to see me, yes?” she asked Angel.
“Yes, Mrs. Osgold.”
The fortuneteller chuckled.
“Just Regina, dear. No need for formalities.” She took another slow sip of her
tea. “You’re a fascinating one. I’ve never seen one like you in all my years.”
Buffy chuckled. “Yeah, he’s
one of a kind.”
The woman went on
regardless. “You belong in this time,” she said, “and yet you seem more
displaced in it than she is.”
Angel shifted
uncomfortably.
“You’ve spent a long time
hiding,” she said. “You think you’ve been hiding from others, but you’ve truly
been hiding from yourself. You’re at a turning point, now. You can either go
back into hiding, or you can become someone new. Someone whole, and part of the
world around them. Personally, I’d recommend the later.”
She took another sip of tea
before she continued. “You have a destiny,” she said. “You already know this.
I’m not telling you anything you don’t know. But you can not just sit and wait
for destiny to come to you. You must seek it out, and embrace it when you find
it.”
She smiled then. “But you
already knew all that.”
They drank their tea in
unison.
Buffy fidgeted again.
“Fascinating, really,” she said, “but not why we’re here.”
“Really, child?”
Buffy bristled at her tone.
“Yes, remember? A matter of the soul?”
“These are matters of the
soul.”
Buffy had to fight not to
roll her eyes. “And a curse?”
“Curse?” The old woman
seemed genuinely confused.
Angel was more patient with
her than Buffy. “My soul is only here because of a Gypsy curse,” he explained.
“But the curse…has broken before.”
The woman looked at him
intently. “I do not know what you are talking about,” she said.
“Then you can’t help us?”
“You don’t need helping,”
Regina clarified.
“But my soul….”
“Is yours by right.” She
was looking at him intently. “What you describe would involve a dissonance
between soul and body. There is none. Your demon is more at odds with you than
your soul.”
Angel just blinked at her.
Buffy gaped. “Then…he can
be happy?”
“Is that what broke the
curse before?”
Angel nodded.
“Your soul is yours,” the
woman said, “until the eventual true death of your flesh.” She smiled then, the
serious psychic replaced once again by the congenial grandmother. “I guess
you’ll be leaving then?” she asked.
“Um…yeah,” Buffy replied,
standing.
Angel hesitated a moment,
then stood as well.
“Will you have a cookie
before you go?”
Buffy couldn’t help but
grin. “No, thank you.”
“Well,” Regina said, seeing
them to the door, “it was nice meeting you two. If you ever need anything….”
“We’ll visit,” Buffy
assured her.
“Angel?”
Angel turned to look at her
with one hand on the door.
“Every living being is both
good and evil,” she said. “Monster and human. Those parts of a being can create
a harmony of action or a cacophony you will be drowned in.” She smiled at him
slightly. “Don’t ignore the human – in yourself and others – when it is the
monster that shows its face.”
Angel was filled with
conflicting emotions as Buffy and he returned to his…their home. Mostly he was
confused, mixed with a heavy dose of anger. How long had the curse not been an
issue? Was this a recent thing, or did it go all the way back to the last time
his soul was restored? How come he never knew? Was him laboring under the false
assumption that the simple act of being perfectly happy would release his demon
upon the world amusing to someone?
Yet beneath that conflict
something unaccustomed was growing. Getting stronger by the moment, a sense of
relief and hope was swelling in him. Not that he planned to immediately test
the old psychic’s revelation, but it was…nice to know happiness wasn’t
forbidden.
“Do you trust her?” Buffy
asked suddenly. She had been silent the entire way to the lair.
“Yes,” Angel replied
without hesitating.
“And…you’re okay?”
Angel nodded, but he
couldn’t meet Buffy’s gaze yet. “I just…”
“Just what?”
Angel sighed. “I want to
know when my soul became…mine,” he said. “Even if there wasn’t potential for
perfect happiness, there’s still a difference between unhappiness and enforced
despair.”
“But…you’re glad?”
“Yes, I’m glad,” Angel
replied quickly. “I mean, not that I’m going to…test it immediately. It’s not
like…”
Buffy chuckled.
“What?” Angel asked in
surprise, looking to see her grinning at him.
“You have serious
self-confidence issues, you know that?” she said with a laugh. “I mean, I
nearly jumped you yesterday, and don’t tell me you weren’t returning the
attention. That’s why we looked into the curse in the first place!”
Angel fought a smile and
nodded at her.
She stepped close enough to
him that they were nearly touching. “I told you I’m staying,” she said. “I
still love you, and have missed you. I don’t want to be alone anymore.”
“I don’t want to be alone,
either,” Angel found himself whispering.
Her face broke into a broad
grin, and Angel smiled back.
“Are you waiting for
something in particular?” Buffy teased.
Angel grinned at her and
closed that last tiny distance between them with a kiss. In that one moment, he
put aside thoughts of appearances, of the monster in the man, and in her arms
remembered what it was like to just be.
Buffy blinked her way to
full wakefulness. She was burrowed into a delightful haven of old blankets,
beaten pillows, and familiar cool flesh. She could smell dust and sweat, but
that was familiar, too. Her current position wasn’t, though, comfortably
nestled against Angel’s chest. That was delightfully new. She smiled and
snuggled close.
Angel’s arm wrapped around
her shoulder. She looked up at him. “You’re awake,” he said, pleasantly
surprised.
“Mmm.” She smiled as she
looked up at him. There was a pleasant silence in the lair this evening, a
delightful lethargy she didn’t want to disturb. She wanted to sleep right here
forever, but she couldn’t. She shifted to look at him closer. “How are you?”
Angel just smiled, his eyes
shining with love and a new sense of contentment. If the eyes are the windows
to the soul, it was quite obvious that his soul wasn’t going anywhere. He was
actually smiling wide enough that Buffy could see a glimpse of his fang over
his bottom lip. He held her a little closer.
As much as she wanted the
moment to last, she had a reason for asking. “I mean, how are you feeling?”
Angel’s smile slipped. “We
were having a moment,” he protested a bit playfully.
“I want to know,” Buffy
insisted.
Angel frowned now. “You
don’t need to mother me, Buffy.” His lip quirked, fighting a smile at his
inadvertent choice of words.
Buffy didn’t even blink at
the years separating them anymore. She just smiled at him. “I like taking care
of you,” she said. “Now, how are you feeling?”
Angel sighed.
“Well?” Buffy persisted.
“My hands still ache,” he
admitted very softly. “Nothing new there.”
Buffy looked up at him
seriously. Then she shifted, sitting up higher against the headboard. “Give me
your hand,” she requested.
She felt Angel tense, his
self-consciousness suddenly retuned. “Buffy…” he protested.
“Angel…” she retorted.
“You’re being silly. I love you. I’ve seen you naked, for God’s sake!” she said
in irritation, drawing attention to their current, unclothed state. “Give me
your hand.”
He shifted and held out his
hand that was not around her shoulder. She grasped it without hesitation, yet
gentle at the same time. She did not even blink at its deformed shape, at the
fingers that were permanently curved, or the sharp nails they ended in, enhancing
their claw-like appearance. Gently she held his hand in her two smaller ones.
“Relax,” she requested.
Angel was tense for a
moment more, then his hand seemed to get heavier as he allowed her to support
it. She knew his hands had been bothering him for days, signs of an impending
change. No matter how much she assured him that any changes he underwent could
not turn her away, he doubted. She could only prove it to him when the time
came, and try to ease the ache in his hands – and heart – until then.
She brought the hand to her
lips and kissed his knuckle. He chuckled and some measure of tension was
released. Slowly she began to massage his palm with her thumbs. As she felt his
preternaturally cool flesh warm beneath her touch, she moved her attention to
his fingers. She rubbed the joints with gentle pressure and Angel sighed again,
but in contentment this time as he relaxed still further. He surrendered to her
touch.
Buffy smiled slightly. With
that small encouragement she continued her work on his fingers. She felt
muscles long clenched begin to relax. There was a sudden release in his ring
finger and Angel gasped.
“Are you okay? Did that
hurt?” Buffy asked quickly, stopping what she was doing.
“I’m okay,” he assured her.
Buffy turned to catch his
eye. “You’re sure?”
Angel nodded. “It hurt for
a second,” he admitted. “But…it was a good pain. Now…” he curled and uncurled
his fingers for a moment in Buffy’s grasp. “It doesn’t hurt anymore,” he
concluded, pleasantly surprised.
Buffy was surprised as
well. Relaxed again in her hand, she looked at his claw-like fingers. His ring
finger stood out a little straighter, a little more human than the others. As
she held it between her fingers, moving it gently, she discovered its full
range of mobility restored. She smiled, and moved on to the next finger, and
the next. Slowly she was rewarded with muscles unclenching, releasing from the
positions they’d been held in for decades.
One hand done, she removed
the arm from around her shoulders and began to work on his other hand. Angel’s
eyes were closed, and Buffy sensed that he was just barely awake. She kept up
her self-appointed task until both hands were relaxed in a less clawed
appearance. They still didn’t look completely human – seeming oddly lengthened
along with their sharp nails – but they were better.
“Angel,” Buffy prodded
gently.
“Hmm?” Angel blinked at
her, drowsy.
She smiled at him. “Wake up
sleepy head,” she teased.
He opened his eyes fully.
“Thank you,” he said.
“Better?” Buffy asked honestly.
Angel nodded. “The ache is
gone,” he said in surprise.
“Mmm,” Buffy murmured
noncommittally. She tilted her head up to look at him even closer. He was
grinning, then playfully wrapped her in his arms and rolled her onto his chest.
He brought her head to his and kissed her eagerly. His hands went behind her
head, into her hair…and stopped abruptly as they encountered a knot.
“Ow,” Buffy declared with a
chuckle, pulling away from his lips.
“Sorry,” Angel whispered,
his eyes sparkling with amusement. He tried to untangle his fingers, but only
managed to tug the knot some more.
“Let me help,” Buffy said.
“No, I’ve got it,” Angel
assured her, and moments later the pressure on her hair was released. An odd
look passed over Angel’s face.
“What is it?” Buffy asked
urgently.
Angel pulled his hand out
from behind her, looking at it in surprise. He stretched the fingers as
straight as they could go until they were fully extended. A slow and delighted
smile spread across his face.
“About time you noticed,”
Buffy teased.
He said nothing for several
moments, curling his hand into a fist and then spreading the fingers once
again. “I never expected…” he managed.
“Change?” Buffy supplied,
smiling.
Angel nodded. “Not like
this,” he explained. “But…the pain is gone. Change.”
“For the better.”
Angel was grinning broadly.
“How?”
Buffy replied with a
question of her own. “How are you feeling today, Angel?”
He looked at her curiously
at the seeming repeat of her waking question. Then he grinned in sudden
understanding. “Reborn,” he said, his voice delighted and not at all distorted
by his constant fangs, “and very, very human.”
Buffy grinned back at him.
She hadn’t seen him so happy…ever, that she could remember. Abruptly he sat up,
full of energy, tossing aside blankets. “Where are you going?” Buffy asked,
both puzzled and amused.
He stood up, stark naked.
“I want to draw you,” he declared, making his way across the room.
Buffy laughed out loud. “Draw
me?”
He nodded eagerly. He
shuffled through the pile of books and papers Buffy had not yet managed to
rearrange. “It’s been so long since I’ve drawn you,” he explained. He looked at
his right hand again, fingers flat against the tabletop. “It’s been so long since
I’ve drawn,” he amended.
“Angel,” Buffy interrupted
with a laugh.
He kept right on going
heedless. “I know I have some blank paper here somewhere…. I mean, I did….”
Buffy had never seen Angel
so…giddy. Manic almost. “Angel!” she said a little louder. His head snapped up
at last. Buffy held up a blanket in front of her chest as she reprimanded him,
“You are not drawing me like this.”
He looked at her in
confusion. “Like what?”
Buffy looked back at him
wide eyed. “Well, ignoring the fact that I’m not entirely comfortable posing
nude, even for you, look at me! My hair is a mess—“
“You look beautiful,” Angel
interrupted.
“You always say that,”
Buffy retorted.
Angel stepped around the
table to look at her seriously. “You’re beautiful,” he said again.
Buffy looked him up and
down appreciatively in turn. “You’re beautiful, too,” she said. “You’re also
naked, which means you should be snuggling with your girlfriend and not
wandering about the room looking for a pencil and paper!”
Angel chuckled. “Well, since
you put it that way….”
“Come here,” Buffy said
with a laugh. “You can draw me later.”
He flopped back down on the
blankets. “You promise?” he teased.
Buffy grinned back at him.
“Sure. We’ve got plenty of time.”
It was hard to get a
glimpse of the sky, but standing here, tilting her head all the way back, she
could see the palest pink of early dawn in a tiny sliver of sky. It made no
difference in the light level this far down, but it made Buffy smile. Even if
she couldn’t see it, the sun still rose every day, and so long as that was true
everything would be alright.
She could sense Angel
moving behind her, and held out her hand to him. His hand was in hers moments
later, large and cool.
“I think I know why I’m
here, Angel,” she said.
He squeezed her hand. “Why
is that?”
“I’m needed here. Now.”
Angel didn’t reply, but his
silence was questioning.
“You’re here, for one. You
need me,” Buffy added.
“I was here all the years
in between,” Angel protested. “I needed you then, too.”
Buffy shrugged. “Maybe so.
I think there’s something else too, though.”
He was standing next to her
now, and he wrapped an arm around her waist. “What is it?”
Buffy shrugged. “I don’t
know. Something’s coming.” She leaned into Angel’s shoulder. “Something big.
Maybe the very thing that we were both put on this planet to face.”
“Destiny,” Angel said in
understanding.
Buffy nodded. She looked up
again, searching above her for that sliver of sky. It was slightly lighter now –
it was day already on the rooftops. “Beautiful, isn’t it?”
Angel followed her gaze and
looked up at the light that could never reach him. “It would be more beautiful
up there,” he said. “Where you can actually see the sky.”
“Maybe,” Buffy agreed. “But
we’re not up there. Even if I could get there, this is where I am. Where we
are. Where we’re needed.”
“You don’t ever…?” Angel
hesitated. “You should see the sunlight.”
Buffy smiled at him. “I
will, someday. And when I do, I’ll see it with you.”
Angel smiled back,
encouraged by recent changes – his eyes back to human brown, his hands
returning to their unclawed appearance…. He would see the sunlight again
someday. He only hoped it wasn’t the last thing he saw, but rather his first
sight as a human, his destiny fulfilled.
He kissed her on the
forehead and for once found himself looking forward to what the future would
bring.
Things were changing for
the better.
The End! To be continued in the
massively requested sequel, One For the Ages.
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